There are different kinds of relationships, some that are passion-driven but short-lived, some that are emotionally-driven but the spark winds down gradually, some that are commitment-driven but no emotional growth. However, there are some that consists of all three elements – passion, intimacy and commitment, the three bases of a loving relationship, which can last a very long time.
Here are seven signs of a long-lasting relationship:
1. Comfortable silence
Silence is awkward. Admit it, we all find silence uncomfortable and we are constantly looking for topics to fill the silence in conversations. It is human nature to feel uneasy with silence when you’re with another person, so don’t feel pressured to feel comfortable immediately when you get into a relationship. It takes time and it comes naturally. Don’t think too much of it, and when one day you realize when you’ve achieved it, you will know this is only the beginning of a wonderful journey with this special person, that is so much more adventure ahead of you two.
2. Relationship and emotional bond strengthen after every argument
Arguments happen all the time in relationships. It’s unavoidable to not make someone upset when you are spending so much time with them. The quantity of argument doesn’t define your relationship, but the quality of the communication about the argument does.
Communication is key in relationships. Without it, it is definitely not going to last. It is important to address issues and arguments sooner rather than later. And the language we use to communicate speaks volumes about the results of the argument resolution and the likeliness similar issues will happen again in the future. If couples let their negative emotions drive their conversation, use you-languages (e.g. “You never do the dishes”) and are being insensitive to the other person’s feelings and invalidating them, even though in the end the conflict might be resolved, the same or similar issue will likely come up in their relationship again since they likely didn’t 100% understand the roots of the problem or the other person’s feelings and reasons behind those emotions. On the other hand, if couples use I-languages (e.g. “I feel like I’m always doing the dishes”) and keep intense emotions out of the conversation, and most importantly, willing to be vulnerable with one another, once consensus or agreement is reached, the argument isn’t something we wish never happened. You would realize the argument was a good thing and only made your bond stronger.
Through these conversations, you learn more about your partner, you learn how to avoid those conflicts and you learn how to love them even more. This is a great sign of a long-lasting relationship. If you two have productive conflict resolution, you two are in it for the long run.
Related: 5 Ways to Achieve a Long-lasting, Happy Relationship
3. Not afraid to be disgusting around one another
Again, this comes naturally with time. And when you get to that point of your relationship, it is oh so wonderful, it turns all the giddy, flirtatious, beginning and amazing stages of a relationship seem like nothing. If you are comfortable to burp, fart, talk about poop and showing your other disgusting sides of you, and have your partner love you even more despite all that — Now, that is true love that will last very long.
4. You love learning something new about each other and fall in love more
You are never tired of learning new things about each other. When you’re truly in love with somebody, you want to keep digging and finding out cool little details and stories of their lives that lets you learn more about them as a person. You never get bored of hearing each other’s stories and you fall in love with them more and more with every story.
5. Willingness to compromise
You are both willing to sacrifice some things in order to meet each other in the middle, which is a key element of a long-lasting relationship. Without compromise, there’s always going to be one person that is never happy and it will just cause a lot of emotional damage to the relationship in the long run.
Related: Finding the Perfect Relationship
6. You don’t keep count
Sometimes with professional connections or casual acquaintances, you keep count in regards to who helped you once and who owed who this time. But with a serious and loving relationship, nobody keeps count. Neither of the two would do things for the other person just because they feel like they owe them or that they want something in return. They do things for each other purely because they love each other,
7. You can see a future with them AND it works
People always say they can see a future with someone when they are in a relationship, but not all those relationships work out. The key isn’t whether or not you can SEE a future with them, but whether you can see a REALISTIC and GENUINE future with them that WORKS. In a long-lasting relationship, when you imagine a life with them in the future, it’s a life you could have immediately right now and it would work out, there is nothing you need to change about them in order for them to fulfill that fantasy. However, if that relationship isn’t meant to last, the fantasy you have for your future might not work out, maybe you would think to yourself, “I can see a happy family life with him…. He’ll be less hot-tempered in a few years…. If only he was more patient…”
If that perfect fantasy for you can’t work out without changing certain qualities or aspects of your partner or your relationship, it’s not meant to be.
Collegiettes, if you see some of these signs in your relationship, they might just be the one.