I remember my first (real) relationship and it’s bittersweet. I was head over heels and naive, to say the least, but I knew my heart was happy. I remember when I realized I was actually falling for my significant other and while love is a great thing, that moment of realization can oftentimes shock you. When I found myself in that position, things get real and did so fast. Suddenly, I found myself wanting to talk to him all the time and if anything that acted as an obstacle to prohibit me from seeing him was a burden to face. Asking him about his day and small jokes in our conversations begin to create memories that I truly cherished and kept me longing to only make more with him. At this phase, I began to fall headfirst, unwilling, but content with where I was heading.
This airy feeling began to settle and so do we. That’s when I was faced with the next realization: this is getting serious. This could look different for every relationship, but for most, the obstacle of meeting your partner’s parents is the most nerve-wracking moment of the relationship. I wanted to be perfect, but not too perfect to be weird or fake; I wanted to be authentic, but not too explicit or crude; I wanted to be honest, but not rude and the list goes on and on.
Related: How First Impressions can Make or Break You
Leading up to this, I wanted to plan out everything from what I was going to say to what I was going to wear. But what I’ve learned now is the thing you don’t expect is what hurts you the most. The moment had finally presented itself and I was told:
“I don’t know if I can introduce you to my parents…”
Out of first nature, I was convinced it was just a scheduling conflict. I was quick to offer other times that could potentially work but that wasn’t it.
“I don’t know how they’ll react to you.”
Again, I was quick to reassure him that I would be on my absolute best behavior. But again, that was not the case.
“No, like they don’t know about you.”
I was confused. About me…? I had wished them happy birthdays and festivities via their son and even spoke to them on the phone, but they didn’t know about me? What they hadn’t known about me was my identity. To them, I was a sweet girl up until it would be revealed at I am Hispanic/Latina.
It hit me like a ton of rocks. It made no sense. I was just talking to them and just in a mention of my ethnicity, everything changed. I felt absolutely worthless as if everything that led up to that moment meant nothing to them. I, essentially, wasn’t worth their time nor consideration. Their son, whom I cared for, too, didn’t know how to process this. But what hurt me most was his complacency in the fact. He was easy to shrug it off like what had just happened was perfectly normal. He told me:
“Sorry, that’s just how they are.”
Looking back at it now, what a poor excuse it was for blatant racism (not that there is a valid one). But at the moment, it completely shattered me because I realized the third epiphany of this story:
No matter who much of a good person or how many good works I committed, it would never amount to their satisfaction.
Having to come to terms that I cannot change my skin tone or my heritage was tough at first after that encounter. But as time passed, I learned that it was never my shame to carry. My identity, my way of life is mine, and who are they to have an opinion on it or even more reject it? I am still learning and growing but I have grown enough up to this point in my life to realize that I am worthy of being celebrated. Both as a woman and as a Hispanic woman. My worth does not sit in the hands of anyone else but mine and to my standards.
Related: To the Girl Who Doesn’t See Her Worth
To all Hispanic/Latinx individuals, you are all worthy of being celebrated and loved. Your heritage is something of importance and makes you unique, wear it with pride and humility. What you have within you is great and deserves to be shared. Your utter being is not and will never be an inconvenience. So, please never settle for someone that gives the excuse of, “Oh, that’s just the way it is,” because there’s always better. Escúchame cuando digo esto, no hay nadie más como tú en este mundo.
This Hispanic Heritage month wave your bandera and wave it high, collegiettes.