I often find myself wishing I could turn my mind off. Overstimulation is how I used to cope. If I was brushing my teeth, getting ready, making food, or cleaning it was almost certain that I had a TikTok or YouTube video playing in the background. Only once I started journaling did I realize that there was little time, besides that when I was about to fall asleep, that I was in silence. Time that I was completely present and aware in the current moment.
Upon reflection I found that I had to have something playing in the background or my thoughts tended to take over. The thing is, however, I did not want to hear my own thoughts. Hearing them meant actually having to acknowledge them, and that was a no from me.
Is that unhealthy? Yes. Admitting that was heavy. Admitting to self-sabotaging behaviors is hard. But I had reached a moment in my life where I was tired of living my life on autopilot. Tired of going to bed with my phone in my hand and waking up and reaching for it.
So I started meditating and stepping away from electronics, and I’m not going to lie, it’s not easy. By no means am I perfect. Sometimes I am on my phone right until I go to bed because I am designing a quick post to go up on our Her Campus at George Mason Instagram (hit us with that follow if you have not already ;). Sometimes I just want to watch Outlander and chill in my bed.
That is fine, life is not meant to be this perfected routine and circulation of planned occurrences that we repeat day in and day out. However, being mindful of what we consume and how we consume it makes that choice to open up Netflix after a quick daily journal reflection less inhibitory and moreso a reward for a hard day of existing as a human in a pandemic.
I prefer guided meditations as I find my mind wanders too much to unhealthy places if I am simply sitting without any sort of noise or guidance.I hope that I am one day able to get to a point where I am able to guide my own meditations. As of right now I am just not there yet and that is okay. This playlist has a great compilation of guided meditations that I use throughout the day whenever I feel I need a moment to recenter.
Once I started meditating consistently for a few days I noticed a difference. You know that quote, “your past self at one point wanted what your current self has now,” that is the best way to describe how I have been feeling recently.
Are there ways I wish my life could change? Absolutely. But the fact of the matter is I am content with what I have now because I have proven to myself in the past that I can overcome what is hard. I can overcome facets of life that feel daunting or painful.
You have come so far, remember that, collegiette.