Dating around, the talking stage, an experiment, perhaps an “entanglement.” We all know or at least have heard of this gray area in college. Equivalent to saying “Yes, I’m single and mingling but not really because I really like this one person I’m talking to right now, but who’s to say how this one turns out.” Dating is trial and error.
College within itself is a whirlwind, ask anyone and they can attest. But there’s a particular subject during college in which you can’t study for: Love. Like anyone else in college, you’re trying to balance all of life’s major items at once: work, school, extracurriculars if you have any, a healthy amount of social life and networking and somewhere in the middle of all that, romance.
Just to preface, relationships aren’t meant to be easy. They require work going into them and to maintain them, so needless to say finding one to begin with is a bit of work within itself. For some it seems like the stars align so easily in finding someone, while the rest seem lost in trying to find their person in a sea of almost-potentials. For those in the latter, here are a few reminders I keep in mind while looking.
Related: 4 Signs You’re Probably Just in Lust, Not Love
First, always remember that you’re not looking for someone exactly like yourself. It’s great to have someone to share common interests with but not a carbon copy of everything you are. Finding your complimentary is what helps make the relationship feel like it’s not work; it brings exploration, freshness, a certain playfulness to a relationship — something you definitely want in long term relationships. Having someone who sees every blindspot, adds to everything you lack, betters everything you already have, that’s the goal.
Next is never forgetting that dating is your tool! After a couple failed relationships (or almost relationships) it’s easy to think that there is a problem with yourself, that’s not always the case. Needless to say, always check yourself and never hold yourself back from bettering yourself; but also don’t sell yourself short. Not everyone is going to fall in love with you and that’s fine because you’re not for everyone. It’s okay to feel each person’s departure because there is significance with each one, in fact, I encourage to really feel through it to allow yourself to grow from it.
Related: Mixed Signals in a New Relationship? Here’s How to Deal According to a Dating Expert
Lastly, fight the urge to plan everything out. I know this goes exactly against everything else going on in life right now, but wanting to plan everything out with someone who you are still getting to know despite really liking them sets your love expectations from them unconsciously. Everything has a natural ebb and flow and you trying to control it only leaves you more upset in the end. Trust the process, if it’s meant to be, it will be. Let yourself be receptive to what naturally comes, it’s always better if when it’s authentic.
You’re a catch, collegiettes, never forget that. Let go and let love!