I am so burnt out that I forgot that this article was due. I had the due date written down in five different places and yet, here I am writing this article a day late (sorry to our editors, love y’all).
I think the main contributor to my burnout was the fact that we did not get a spring break this year. Spring break is usually my designated time to lay around and do nothing. Distinctly, I remember coming home for spring break my freshmen year with a bag full of dirty laundry and a tank on empty.
I slept that entire week. It is one of the last times I remember being fully and deeply relaxed. I think that week saved me from the brink of mental and physical exhaustion.
Now this year, when we seem to need a break more than ever, we don’t get one. How do we cope with that? I coped by deciding I would go home this past week. I know that not everyone has the privilege to do that, but anything you can do that will change your scenery or routine up a little bit, I highly recommend.
Being home was great, but I still had so much work to do. I found ways to enjoy my time, like going for drives with my little brother, taking my dog on hikes or watching movies with my parents.
Just as I was starting to relax and feel at peace, I missed my train back to Fairfax. This was a sort of the straw that broke the camel’s back. I cried, a lot. Not even at the fact that I missed my train, but the fact that one of the few things I am able to control right now did not go according to plan.
While having this breakdown over having to miss work and readjust my whole schedule. I remembered that we are right in the middle of a pandemic that has taken 545,305 lives in the U.S. alone.
That number keeps me up at night. I think of all of these people who have passed away, I think of their families, of who they were and what they could have become. These thoughts make me feel as though my burnout is misplaced. As though I should feel grateful for simply being alive.
What a morbid thought that is, “I should feel grateful for simply being alive.” And then you see all of the people who are not taking things seriously right now and you think, “how disrespectful.” Because it is disrespectful to the people who have died and their loved ones. To the healthcare workers and essential workers who have been in this for a year now risking their lives. This thought, however, is now accompanied by the question of who do we blame more the individual or the institutions that continue to handle the pandemic response and support poorly.
So where do we go from here? How do we keep ourselves from becoming jaded? From shrinking under the weight of it all? My answer: give yourself grace. Remember to take a step back and ask yourself how you are doing, collegiettes.