No one should ever feel like their voice does not matter.
Abuse is no joke. It could be mental, physical, sexual, even verbal. If you’re reading this and you’ve gone through or are going through an abusive relationship, just know you’re not alone. Not everyone will understand what you’re going through but make it a point to at least reach out to ONE person. Keeping your friends and family in the dark will only hurt you in the long run.
I know what you’re feeling. “Why would I tell people when they will just judge me? I’m fine I am strong and I can handle it. No one needs to know.” YES, you are strong and you may even feel fine because your brain has readjusted in order to cope with the trauma, but that does NOT mean you should stay quiet.
It’s hard to let go, trust me. After being in an abusive relationship, you must make yourself believe it was all because you waited for something better. Every single time he/she told you they were going to change, begged for your forgiveness, cried to you saying he/she won’t ever do it again, you tell yourself you stuck through for something. It all had to count for something.
It does count for something though. You need to realize that condoning this behavior is NOT OKAY or normal for that matter. So many men and women hide the fact that they are being affected by this and the psychological toll that it takes can be extremely damaging.
I felt damaged. I felt like a wave hit me and I stayed in the bottom of the ocean crying out for someone to rescue me. I felt like I would gasp for air only to sink all over again never realizing I was drowning by my own hand. I was the one who let this happen by not saying a word.
“Why did you stay?” The most popular and ignorant question to ask a victim of any type of abuse. I stayed because I didn’t think I was going through anything serious. I stayed because he romanticized the idea of changing and being the best version of himself if I was by his side.
“This time is the last time, I swear I promise to be better.” Those words were printed in my head like a verse in my own story. I always thought the last time would stay being the last. I was wrong just like you were wrong. I felt our love for each other justified the pain but it didn’t. I was so blind and in the matter of a few months I didn’t see it but he had already molded me into the person he needed me to be. He needed me to stay.
In some sick twisted way you justify his/her actions. You begin to feel like it is normal. Like if your normal was pain.
I was terrified, I thought if I spoke to someone about what was happening to me I would ruin his life. I would make it a bigger deal than it was but I knew deep down I had to say something.
So I did, and saying something was the best decision of my life. I can finally breathe again. I took the necessary measures to make sure my safety is first and always important to me.
You lose yourself and your self-value when you let someone tear down your character.
If you want to let go, do it. YOU DESERVE BETTER. You deserve someone by your side who will give you more to life not take away. All those nights spent crying, asking “why me” is no longer reality for you or me.
Leaving is the hardest part. You let go of all of the fear and the comfort you’ve created in the relationship in hopes to get better. You feel as if he/she is the only person you could be with because they know exactly what you’re going through. I am here to tell you that your truth is so far from reality.
This trauma happened so that you know exactly what not to expect from someone who claims that they love you. Love isn’t supposed to hurt and if you’ve founded your idea on romance and love based on this relationship you better leave that at the same place you left him/her.
Things will get better because if you were right about one thing, it is that you ARE STRONG and you CAN get through this.
If you feel like you need to speak to someone, there are many resources to help victims of abuse.
If you attend FIU, go to CAPS. They have an amazing group of psychologists that can help you cope the right way. Don’t be afraid of the professional terminology. You are not crazy, but you do need to find a way to get back to the person you used to be or wish to be after this relationship.
It is okay to seek help from friends, family, doctors, lawyers, etc. Just please, do yourself, me and the people who love you a favor by contacting someone who will help you get out of this mess. You are not alone and you do not have to suffer alone. You deserve the world and then some. You are worth it, you are enough, you are loved, and you will be okay.
Message to friends & family:
If you know someone who has been through any type of abuse, do not dismiss them. This is a serious problem and could escalate if no one takes action. It will be difficult to relate to the situation but try your best to be compassionate and empathetic. They are going through of one the worst pains a person can imagine and belittling their emotions might reject the idea of not leaving this person. Victims are often very emotional, fragile and will have low self esteem coming out of the situation. It is on you to make sure they seek proper attention and do not fall back into the trap of their abusive significant other. The safety and health of the victim is crucial. Take measures to keep them feeling secure at all costs.
FIU CAPS: 305-348-2277
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233