I am currently, and have always been, the poster child for a romantic. Because my mom always had the same love for love, I grew up watching classic movies like You’ve Got Mail, When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle, and The Best Man. These movies taught me that the fairytale love I always dreamed about does exist, but sometimes you just have to wait to find it.
When I finally got to the age where I started having crushes on guys who weren’t looking back at me through a TV screen, God had a bunch of surprises for me. The first guy I ever seriously liked was my first introduction to the knight in shining armor type, or at least as close to a knight as 12-year-old Cailey could consider. I didn’t pay much attention to Guy #1 (let’s call him Jake) until one day during camp when he interjected himself into a playful argument my brother and I were having about what age we were when we traveled to South Carolina for the first time. Jake frantically came over and told my brother to leave me alone because “women should always be treated with respect.” After teasing my brother for getting called out, we both laughed and explained to Jake that we’re siblings and we were just having a normal argument. Jake felt embarrassed and shared how he and his sister argue all the time too. Even though they both moved on from the situation, I couldn’t stop thinking about Jake all day. I couldn’t believe that there was a 12-year-old guy who showed any signs of maturity. I’d like to say that everything worked out and that I’ve been seeing my middle school sweetheart forever, but that would be a lie. The truth is we’re friends on Facebook and like each other’s posts from time to time, but we never really got the timing right.
In high school, there were two guys. Guys #2 and #3 (let’s call them Jack and John), and they were two oddly very similar cases. Jack and John both always had a thing for me, and I bet that if I contacted either of them now they would still respond with a flirty message. Both Jack and John essentially did everything right. They would text me long elaborate messages telling me how beautiful I was or how much they liked me on a weekly basis. They were caring but not overprotective. They were both pretty easy on the eyes. They were both funny. I shared similar interests with both of them and, beyond an occasional disagreement, I got along with them pretty well. There’s no textbook reason I can give for why I didn’t like either of them romantically. I just knew in my gut neither of them were the ones for me in a romantic way.
My freshman year of college, I met who I thought was the perfect guy for me. Guy #4 (let’s call him Ethan) was actually one of the first people I met when I got to college, and as a sophomore he was always willing to show me around. Ethan was really attractive (and my friends agreed). But Ethan was also extremely humble, kind, sweet, caring, and attentive. Ethan always made me feel comfortable. He could always make me laugh within 2 seconds. And even though we disagreed on quite a bit of things, we could talk for 4 hours straight on a daily basis and never feel bored of each other. When Ethan told me he liked me, my heart skipped a thousand beats. I thought I finally found “the one.” After several months of “talking,” but what older generations would consider dating, I decided to bring up the topic of titles. I asked him the infamous “what are we?” question. The conversation ended with him explaining that even though he liked me, he wasn’t ready for a relationship, and he had absolutely no idea when he would be. Our answers didn’t work for each other, and even though we hugged and said goodbye as usual, we both knew nothing would be the same. Our assumptions were right and even though we still check in with each other once in a while, our relationship has never been the same.
This year there was potential for Guy #5 (let’s call him Michael). I’ve known Michael since my freshman year of college when he came up and introduced himself to me at a party. Michael has the reputation of being your bad boy, player-type, just for fun situation. We’ve hung out once outside of a party, but there weren’t any magnificent fireworks or signs of a clear relationship together moving forward.
I am absolutely, perfectly, A-Okay, without a doubt, good with that because I’ve realized there’s nothing wrong with just dating and getting to know a guy you could potentially like. Relationships are beautiful, rewarding, and a great experience for most people.
I’m not at all claiming that women shouldn’t get into relationships. What I am saying, though, is that there’s nothing wrong with just dating someone. Dating gives you the opportunity to get to know someone, or get to know multiple people, without strings attached. If it works out and you guys genuinely like each other, you can eventually have a relationship. If not, oh well, you didn’t waste your time by getting to know someone you thought you had potential with.
I’ve grown tremendously since my freshman year in my career pursuits, love for myself, and journey of continuously getting to know myself to the point where I’d say Jake, Jack and John, or even Ethan probably wouldn’t recognize the person I am today. My views on romantic relationships were a part of that growth, and are currently still growing.