You did it. You spent every day trying to make the pieces come together. You tried to provide that shoulder for everyone, always doing your best to put others first. Sure, there are some parts of your life that aren’t perfect, but you put on a happy smile.
That is until you undeniably mess up. You mess up bad. You mess up to the point where you not only affect yourself, but you affect the people around you. The people that you care about, the same people that you’ve always tried to put first, the same people that you tried to provide that shoulder for. You mess up bad. Now that you’re in this rut, where are all of the circle of people that you considered your support system? Oh, right, they’re the same that you accidentally screwed over. Whether you unintentionally meant to or not, you put a fracture in your relationships. You feel like the decisions that you make now could make or break them. You messed up, and now you feel alone.
So, what’s your next move? Cry? That’s a good first step, but what about after that? Cry and watch Netflix? Okay, now we’re getting somewhere! Honestly, there’s really no telling what the right step could be. You might not know what to do next and that’s perfectly okay—everything is insanely gray right now. Once you regroup yourself, I think the best course of action is to examine exactly how you messed up. Not how you believe you messed up, but how. Then ask yourself why. I know that there are a lot of people out there that don’t believe everything happens for a reason but, in this case, something did. Maybe a small part of you knew that you were going to hurt other people, so why did you go along with it? What were you trying to achieve from this situation? Was there something that you were running away from? Searching for? These questions may not exactly coincide with your situation, but it’s important to ask yourself hard questions like these. If you can’t be honest with other people, then at least be honest with yourself. Go on, nobody is watching.
Remember when I said that thing about feeling alone? Well, chances are that you’re not. Maybe those in your immediate friend group are currently MIA, but is there a classmate? Someone that you always nod at from across the dining hall? A pass group project partner that you actually got along with pretty well? If not, then you definitely have a trusted professor or advisor to confide with on this. Just grab anyone who speaks your language and has the time to listen to you. Once that is settled, tell them what’s going on. Again, even if you don’t know them very well, it is pretty important for you to be as open and honest as possible. In fact, having someone who is not too close to your situation might benefit you in more ways than one because there are no preconceived notions of you or anyone else that is involved. Carefully and efficiently listen to their advice, even if it might not be the thing that you want to hear. Whatever they say could benefit you for miles.
On a final note, be able to own up to your mistakes. It sounds easy, but it’s a harder pill to swallow because owning up to your mistakes could make you feel meek. But, do you want to know what makes someone feel even more meek? Denial. Owning up to your mistakes doesn’t always mean that your problems will just suddenly evaporate into thin air. I mean they could, but it’ll still be a while before you can find that stability in your life again with others. The only thing I can absolutely assure you of is that everything will work out. Probably not the way you envision it, but it will. Good things will come around again in time. See your mistakes not as flaws, but as experiences and lessons that will help you through every single transition in your life. Hang in there.