How I Would Rank the Umbrella Academy

In The Umbrella Academy, eccentric billionaire Sir Reginald Hargreeves adopts seven children and brings them to his home to form a superhero group. He does not give them real names but instead labels them from Number One to Number Seven, with the numbers correlating to their supposed usefulness to him. Eventually all of the children (except Five) obtain new names, so I will use those out of #respect.

Although I understand where Hargreeves comes from in his numbering, I almost completely disagree on how he numbers the individuals. So, without further ado, here’s my take on how they should be ranked.

SPOILER WARNING FOR END OF THE SHOW!

1. Five aka The Boy aka Number 5

The man (boy) can travel across space and time, he can literally change the way the world works with the smallest decision (uh, hello, they live in a world where JFK wasn’t assassinated). If he can gain a deeper understanding of his powers then he could make reality to be how he wants it, basically Thanos with the reality stone.

2. Vanya aka The White Violin aka Number 7

I told you there would be spoilers. So, Vanya actually does have powers. She can transfer sound into energy and ends up being the reason why there is an apocalypse in Season 1. If they were my children I wouldn’t have just brainwashed her, I would have tried to get her to control her emotions. This would make Vanya one of the most powerful members of the squad.

3. Klaus aka The Seance aka Number 4

Because his powers move past just seeing the dead, when paired with physically dominating dead people (like Ben), he become unstoppable. Also, if I saw Klaus in person wearing a skirt I would literally drop dead, so he’s at least got one person down for the count.

4. Allison aka The Rumour aka Number 3

So I’m not actually sure how her powers work, does the person she affects actually have to hear what she says? I’m pretty sure they do have to be physically close, which actually makes her powers pretty limited. But, she’s still a badass who can turn a crime scene around in seconds, so she belongs pretty high on the list.

5. Ben aka The Horror aka Number 6

Since we’re still not totally sure what Ben’s powers are, I’m putting him as number five. Also, if he’s dead then I’m not sure he actually did a good job at all. Still, him and Klaus together are powerful and super fun.

6. Diego aka The Kraken aka Number 2

I think Diego is the most compelling character on the show, but his powers are still kind of anticlimactic. Love the dude, but don’t think I would actually need him that badly in a fight.  

7. Luther aka Spaceboy aka Number 1

Cool, he’s strong.

Although I’m sure Season 2 will reveal why he numbered his children this way (like did he know Luther was going to be the most loyal?), I still think in terms of pure superhero-dom, mine makes more sense.