117
Does that seem like a large number to you?
Maybe if I put it into perspective, it will.
117 is the number of people that commit suicide each day, according to the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention. Since 1999, the rate of suicidal deaths has increased by 24%. These are not easy statistics to digest. It’s possible you have been affected by suicide, or know someone that has been.
Dennis Gillan has been affected by the suicides of his two brothers and after years of silence found a way to cope with the death of two loved ones by giving talks to promote suicide prevention. It’s a story about living. It involves sadness, anger, and even some laughter.
On Thursday, November 3, at 7pm in Zimmer Auditorium, Phi Mu Fraternity is hosting Dennis Gillan at the University of Cincinnati to share his story of perseverance. All UC students are welcome to attend. Various other organizations are sponsoring Dennis Gillan as well, including Phi Mu Fraternity, GAEF, Fraternal Values Society, CAPS, CWEST, CPH, IFC, Chi Omega, Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Inc., UC Senior Class Officers, Men of Metro, Alpha Tau Omega Fraternity, Kappa Kappa Gamma Sorority, Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity Inc., Theta Chi Fraternity and the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
We decided to ask Dennis some questions addressing some topics he might cover in his speech. Here’s what he had to say:
HCC: What do you think is the largest misconception about suicide?
DG: The biggest misconception is that someone who is suicidal truly wants to die. I believe they want to live. They just can’t see the reason why they should live at that moment in time. Again, my opinion and I’m not an expert per se, but most folks want to live and want to die at the same time and we all want them to live!
HCC: Out of all the speeches you have given, what one had the most impact on you?
DG: I gave a speech to the National Convention of Phi Mu Fraternity and that speech had a real impact on me. The talk was on a Saturday and I flew in on Friday and met with the executive director for about an hour that night. She informed me that some folks had some reservations about doing a talk on this subject and I understand this is a tough issue so I didn’t take it personally. She also told me that I had 20 minutes to do my 60 minute talk and I would be in the general business meeting. I knew I had a short time to make a big impact and I also believed in the talk, so I trimmed the slide deck back a bit and then took a walk to go see the room where I would be speaking. The room was huge, glamorous and empty, but the next day the 600 plus seats would be filled with women from all over the country.
I was nervous that the flow of the talk would be disrupted by the missing slides and was starting to have some self-doubt. I knew I had a story to tell but I was an unproven entity and this was a real professional gig. The executive director put her full faith in me while she was trying to balance the needs of her members and her agenda for the day. I did not sleep well that night and arrived super early to set up and do a quick tech check. The attendees showed up in droves. Every seat was taken as I waited in the back for my turn. Due to the nature of the talk, they made an announcement that if anyone wanted to leave they could and then I was introduced. I typically walk and talk but this set up had me standing at a podium while alongside the other executives.
My time was short so went right into it. About halfway through the talk, I realized I was in the zone and they were really listening. I saw some participants wiping tears from their faces at certain times and laughing at others. They were with me and I appreciated every one of them. I finished the talk on a powerful note, so powerful that my eyes filled up with tears as the entire audience stood on their feet to applaud. A woman hugged me as I made my way to the stairs. I can’t remember the walk back to my seat very well, but I do remember thinking, this is what I need to do with my life. I need to do more of these talks. I sat down to decompress and wait for the proper time to leave and when that break came a line of women formed to talk to me. They wanted to share their thoughts, stories, and more. I was right where I needed to be and everyone had a story to tell. Everyone.
HCC: What do you recommend for people who have thoughts of suicide. What about people who see family or friends going through situations that could possibly lead to suicide?
DG: For people who have thoughts of suicide, verbalize them with loved ones and then go get professional help. Run, don’t walk to a proper therapist and if you don’t like the one you are with find another.
For people who see family or friends going through situations of suicide; silence kills. Step in before they step out and be kind and thoughtful while doing it. Do not belittle their problems or try to fix them. Just listen and then guide them towards professional help. However, I’m not a counselor, just a big fan of them and the work that they do.
HCC: What is a mantra you have referenced or still reference during difficult times?
DG: I don’t have a specific mantra, but over time I have learned that life is hard for everyone, so show a little compassion towards others. One thing I do reference from time to time is the copy of my brothers’ obituaries that I keep in my wallet. I made a copy of both death notices and laminated them together and carry it with me wherever I go. Every now and then when I think I am having a bad day I pull it out and remind myself what a bad day looks like, or in my case what two bad days look like.
HCC: What beneficial and positive activities helped you to cope with the aftermath of your brothers’ deaths?
DG: I smoke a lot of crack. Just checking to see if you’re still reading!! Actually, sobriety has helped me immensely. After my second brother died I went to a very dark place and alcohol is a depressant. I didn’t need a depressant during this moment in time and fell in love with sobriety and it’s been that way for 22 years. And doing these talks has helped a bunch. Something happens when I get on that stage and reveal my vulnerabilities. It seems to let other people know it’s okay and there is strength in being vulnerable.
HCC: What enabled you to speak out about the suicides of your two brothers?
DG: Time. It took me a long time to get to this place. I wish it was sooner, but I wasn’t ready. Everybody grieves differently and I took my sweet time getting here, and it’s okay because I’m here. After the proper amount of time has passed for all of us who have gone through some bad stuff (and that is all of us), you get to a point where you want to help others avoid the pain you went through. It is in this redemptive healing that you find healing in the past that points you towards hope in the future. Because of these talks, I honor my two brothers and I have hope for the future.