I’ve always known in my head that homophobia is still prominent in today’s society. However, I had never experienced this discrimination personally before. That is, until Sept. 22.
My experience is one you would think only occurs in fiction. So many people are preaching that “no one cares if you’re gay anymore” or “there isn’t really much discrimination facing the LGBTQ community in Canada.” However, this simply isn’t the case. I experienced it.
I traveled to Montreal for the weekend to visit my girlfriend Blair. We don’t get to see each other often because of the long distance. Blair and I spent the weekend going on dates and she showed me around the city. Come Saturday night, we decided to go out and enjoy the nightlife, with one specific club in mind.
We arrived at our destination, and much to our disappointment, the club was full. The bouncer told us to come back in an hour when it would clear up a bit. With an hour to kill, Blair, her friends and I decided to make a quick trip down the street to a different club to pass the time: TRH. We arrived and thankfully there was hardly a lineup.
I could tell something was off once the bouncer requested our IDs. He took Blair’s license, staring at it thoroughly. It looked as though he wasn’t going to let her in. Reciting the info that was printed on the card back to the bouncer, he hesitantly handed it back and allowed allowing her to pass.
We began to make our way up the stairs to the club on the top floor of the building. Once we reached the top, the same bouncer was there again. He had followed us up the stairs.
He demanded we pay cover, holding three of our friends back from entering. We were confused, since Blair had paid everyone’s cover earlier. He then requested to see Blair’s ID again despite having checked it minutes before. Handing her ID over, the man examined her license yet again before reluctantly returning it.
Moving forward, we all made our way to the dance floor, trying to forget what just happened.
After dancing for the duration of one song, Blair turned to me saying she had to go to the bathroom and asked if I wanted to tag along. After agreeing, the two of us made our way to the women’s room.
The bathroom was pretty busy so in an attempt to avoid the line, we decided to go into a stall together. Although there was a sign that read ‘one person per stall,’ many other women were going in and out of the stalls in groups. We figured it would be okay, not thinking much of the sign. Neither myself or Blair had ever had an issue using the same stall with another female, especially as a large number of girls are guilty of doing this on a regular basis.
A few seconds into my girlfriend going to the bathroom, a man started banging on the stall door. In response, I put my hand up over the stall, holding one finger up and saying “yes, just one second. Let her finish peeing and I will come out.”
The man continued to bang on the door, shouting at us to get out of the stall; even though I kept repeating “one second.” Once she finished, Blair left the stall and I took my turn.
Once Blair had closed the stall door, the bouncer immediately grabbed her by the arm, dragging her out of the bathroom.
In shock, Blair said “hey, can I please wash my hands first and then I will literally follow you out of the club.”
Despite allowing her to wash her hands, this didn’t prevent the bouncer from both shoving her and swearing at her as she was washing her hands.
As she finished, the man began to shove Blair again. Placing her hands up, she asks if she can wait for me to be finished and then we will both leave. Again, the bouncer agreed, but continued to scream at her. He said we were getting kicked out because it was disgusting that my girlfriend and I went into the same bathroom stall. All the while there were 2 femme-presenting women in the stall beside us.
As I walk out of the stall, I see Blair just outside the bathroom door being held there by the bouncer. She looked at me upset, and told me that we were getting kicked out. I was confused, but followed her. She took my hand while the bouncer screamed and swore at us.
Then, the man grabbed the collar of Blair’s shirt and shoved her forward. She grabbed my hand; she was doing her best to calm me down.
Once we reached the top of the stairs I took the lead and started walking down. The man came up behind Blair, attempting to push her down the steep flight of stairs. Luckily, she fell into the wall; just barley avoiding what could have been a serious injury.
Everything had happened so fast. This was the first time I had personally experienced this kind of discrimination. I became so emotionally overwhelmed, I cried for an hour in the street. Blair held me and told me everything was going to be okay. Knowing my girlfriend and I were kicked out of a place for being who we are and for being something we have no control over felt worse than a punch in the gut.
I felt the after effects from the situation right away, as for Blair, it didn’t hit her until later on. This wasn’t Blair’s first time facing discrimination. However, it was her first time experiencing discrimination of this level of aggression.
“The looks, the name calling, the side comments. They happen. The pushing? That doesn’t happen.”
It is painful, to know my girlfriend faces discriminatory actions on a regular basis, just because of her physical appearance. This was a new kind of hate aimed towards her. The fear she had felt in that moment had caused her to freeze, as it would with anyone experiencing it for the first time.
I am not writing about mine and Blair’s experience to gain some kind of pity or sympathy. Rather, to raise awareness about the issue. We like to believe that living in 2018 people are widely accepting, when in reality a large population of people are not. With thousands of people and couples just like Blair and I having similar experiences on a day to day basis, something needs to change. Actions need to be taken to assure this kind of hatred doesn’t transpire. Whether that be stepping in if a similar situation is occurring to a different couple, or correcting someone who uses derogatory slurs. My heart renders at the thought that others have and will feel the way Blair and I did that night.
It’s another challenge knowing this won’t be the last time either of us faces these kinds of hateful actions. The event has yet to feel real. It’s like trying to swallow a large pill. Difficult to consume in the moment, but will eventually digest.