Best Kardashian Quotes

Okay, it’s no secret that I have an addiction to Keeping Up With the Kardashians. I mean, I know most of it is probably staged and totally unrelatable but honestly I can’t help but laugh at the stupidity. Here’s a few of my favorite quotes from the show that I hope make you laugh and realize that this show is actually absolute GOLD.


“Thank you for your lovely advice, but I'm not going to take it.”

— Kim Kardashian


“I start laughing at Kim when she’s crying because I just can’t help it, she has this ugly crying face that she makes.”

— Kourtney Kardashian


Jewelry Saleswoman: “42 carats. $1.2 million.”

Kim: “That’s not so bad.”

— Kim Kardashian


“There’s a lot of baggage that comes with us. But it’s like Louis Vuitton baggage. You always want it.”

— Kim Kardashian


“Kim, would you stop taking pictures of yourself, your sister's going to jail.”

— Kris Jenner


Kourtney: “Why did you make a sex tape?” 

Kim: “Because I was horny and I felt like it.”


Kris: “I think Kim should do Playboy.”

Khloé: “Of course you do because you get 10%. That is sick.”

— Khloé Kardashian  


“Kim, you are doing amazing sweetie.”

— Kris Jenner


“I don't need to be walking around like I'm some peasant.”

— Scott Disick


“I’ll cry at the end of the day, not with fresh makeup.”

— Kim Kardashian


Khloe: “I’m so thankful for Kim Kardashian West because without her this family vacay wouldn't have happened.”

Scott: “Or our careers.”


Kim: “What’s north’s middle name?”

Kris: “South.”

Kim: “She doesn’t have one.” 


Kris: “I think my favorite day of this last year was probably the day when Oprah came over.”

Scott: “Not the day when Penelope was born? You heartless wench.”


Kim: “Oh look someone sent us a free yoga membership.”

Scott: “Thank god, you wouldn’t have been able to afford it.”


“I don’t have any cell service here and it’s making me have a rash.”

— Kris Jenner  


Kim: “Oh my god I’m gonna cry my diamond earring.”

Kourt: “Kim there’s people that are dying.”


“Oh my god Kourtney I’m gonna cry for you this, is like, my biggest fear in life, you have a stretch mark.”

— Kim Kardashian


Kris: “Are you telling me that if you don’t have sex you can still get pregnant?”

Kylie: “Yes because sperm lives inside the vagina for three days.”

Kris: “Who taught you this shit?”

Khloe: “Uh, she went to school, and you should be happy your daughter has an education. Especially sex ed. You obviously didn’t. That’s why you have multiple baby daddies and thousands of children.”


Khloe: “I don’t know why I’m in this family.”

Kris: “Because I gave birth to you.”

Khloe: “that’s still to be proven.”


Kris: “They’ve only been together for six or seven years.”

Kim: “that’s a long time.”

Kris: “Longer than 72 days.”


Khloe: “I’m really happy that you’re making an effort into being the sexy goddess that you are.”

Kourt: “No. No effort necessary.”


Scott: “You’re blocking my view.”

Kourt: “I am the view.”


Kim: “Did you guys know that I’m like the number one google search last week?”

Kourt: “Did you also know that you’re number two on the dumbest people?”