You may have known each other longer than Raven and Chelsea. Your bond may be stronger than that of Rachel and Monica. And like Lucy and Ethel, you may have a perfect partnership for getting into mischief. But fighting with your best friend is inevitable, and even characteristic of a healthy relationship. Whether or not you conduct yourself in a healthy manner during the fight is what matters. In most cases, the friendship is salvageable. But emotionally fueled impulses and irrational decisions may prevent you two from returning to your “Bestie” status. So if you want to save the friendship (which you probably do!), there are a few things you may want to keep in mind.
Remain Calm. It’s easier said than done, but try to keep your cool. It’s incredibly easy (and often a mistake) to say things you don’t really mean out of anger. To prevent this from happening, back out of the argument when you feel yourself becoming extremely frustrated or angered. You may need to take some time for yourself if you’re not able to communicate without shouting, swearing, blaming, insulting, etc.
Allow Time and Space. After a huge blowout with your bestie, it is only natural that you’ll both need time and space apart. Use this time to figure out the source of the problem and why you’re hurt. Understanding the issue will allow you to better communicate the problem to your best friend so that she can fully comprehend how you feel. This time will also give you the opportunity to take a step back and approach her calmly and much more effectively when you decide to talk later.
But don’t allow too much time apart to pass. It is better to be proactive in solving the problem. The longer time goes on and the problem lingers, the more and more unsalvageable your friendship may become.
No Low Blows. Now is not the time to bring up dirty secrets from the past or throw your best friend’s insecurities in her face. Anything confidential she has told you is not fair game for you to use as ammunition against her in your feud. So avoid the temptation of “calling her out”. After all, you wouldn’t want her to air out your dirty laundry. Doing this will only add more fuel to your fire, adding onto your problem and making it harder to eventually makeup.
Avoid Tit for Tat. Suppress that inner voice telling you to hurt your best friend just because she hurt you. The gratification you receive from “getting even” will only last you for so long. And you wouldn’t want the blows to continue, build, and get worse. Retaliating in this manner will only prolong your argument. So try to be the bigger person.
No Jealousy. During the feuding period, refrain from trying to make your best friend jealous. Consider this to be an act of immaturity and weakness. Do not flaunt your other friendships and relationships in her face. Nor do you need to try to impress her with anything exciting going on in your life without her. Get this green-eyed monster off of your back.
No Fronting. Avoid putting up a front. It is okay to be hurt. This is your best friend we’re talking about…you’ve been through a lot together. It doesn’t make you any less of a person if you’re affected by what you two are going through (I guarantee she’s hurting too, and if she isn’t really showing it….she’s probably frontin’). There is no need for you to act like you’re so much better off without her and your would is perfect if you really would like to have a relationship with her. By doing this, you may give your best friend the wrong impression and ruin your friendship. But that doesn’t mean you have to have some major break down in front of her. Keep your head up, but don’t create a false impression either.
Refrain from Dwelling on the Past. In order to get over this obstacle in your friendship, you cannot continue holding onto the past. It is important to address every issue of the problem, whether past or present. But it isn’t healthy to harp over the old negativity and bring it into your present conflict, especially if you and your bestie are attempting to work through your feud. Try to let go of the past as much as possible so that you can move forward into the future.
True friendships can withstand a little storm. Keep that in mind when it seems you and your bestie will never see a brighter day. Should you choose not to remain best friends, it is not the end of the world, though it may feel that way sometimes. You are capable of moving past the feud.
But it is okay to feel as though you don’t want to remain friends. The best way to break off the relationship is to do so as calmly as possible while communicating why it is you would not like to continue being friends. Doing this will allow you two to fully close your chapter without leaving any cliffhangers—any unaddressed feelings or unresolved conflicts.
Good Luck Besties!