Lessons Learned: Going Through A Breakup In College

College is when you get to finally be on your own as you try to figure out who you are and what you want to start working towards for your own future. You get to focus on what makes you happy and it’s a really lit time. But if s*** hits the fan and you end up losing a bond with someone close to your heart, being on your own ain’t all fun and games anymore. It happens and it’s tough, but I’m gonna let y’all know exactly what I learned and what helped me get through it when it happened to me.


1. You gotta pick and choose wisely who you confide in when you’re in your bag

Not everyone on campus is your friend, and not everyone wants to see you winnin’ out here, so be careful whose shoulder you try to cry on because the support you truly need might not be there.


2. No ex is worth “waiting” or “settling with the situation” for

This was honestly the hardest lesson for me to finally accept. It took me forever to understand that not every relationship is worth fighting for and that just because someone has good intentions in the beginning doesn’t mean that they’ll always have those intentions, let alone act on them. If that person isn’t providing what you need and isn’t having enough of a positive impact on your life, you gotta let ‘em go for your own wellbeing.


3. Now’s the time to start investing in yourself and your future rather than someone else and whatever connection you had with them

Focusing on getting that workout routine down or growing out your hair will give you things to put your all into. You can either pick up a hobby you had in the past, or branch out and set new goals. Writing has always been a passion of mine that I haven’t pursued, but then I went through some dark s***, and now here we are at my first article with Her Campus. You’ll start to accomplish the little personal things you’ve been meaning to do for some time, while simultaneously keeping your mind off of what you’ve gone through. Besides, being happy with your own life is the best form of revenge anyways.


4. Self love is the key to getting through a bad split with your head still on straight

It’s very easy to let one person’s opinion on you destroy your own self confidence, especially when that person meant so much to you and when you’re living on your own as a college student. Part of your healing process must be remembering who you are, who you were before this part of your life, and how amazing both of those people are. You don’t need a partner to bring out the best in you, all you need is a healthy support system, some goals and aspirations, and a positive outlook.


5. Going out with no intention of blacking out or hooking up with someone can really help you break out of what I call “the post-breakup shell”

You’re feelin’ yourself, you got your gang with you, the DJ’s bouta play your SONG–what else could you be focusing on, other than the positive energy you got going around you? Once you feel like you’re truly ready to bounce back and pop out, there’s nothing wrong with taking everything slow and just trying to have a good time on some solo dolo vibes.


6. Find someone else who’s going through something similar and support each other

I mean yeah it sucks that there’s more than one of y’all dealing with some trifling mess, but rooting someone on as they pop out and having someone root for you while you’re tryna bounce back is so reassuring and wholesome. It’s hard to confide and trust someone with stuff like this if they haven’t gone through it too because logical ways of thinking and emotional ways of thinking just don’t line up, so if you can find that person that’s pickin’ up what you’re puttin’ down, that’s a priceless bond right there.


7. Do your work in public places instead of isolating yourself

It might be because I’m from the city, or because I’m a people person, but there’s something about being in a busy environment surrounded by voices and energy that makes me feel seen and secure while allowing me to focus when my mind is in another place.


8. It’s okay to need some privacy and time to yourself

College is basically a 24/7 sleepover with people your age, so at times it may feel as if you’ll never catch a second for yourself. If you want to just lay in bed and binge-watch Netflix or if you want to head into Boston for a solo adventure you’ve been meaning to go on, don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for that.


9. Re-evaluate your friend group(s) based on who’s holding you down during this difficult time in your life

If your squad isn’t riding for you right now, you need to find new people to give your precious time to. There’s people out there who would love and support the crap out of you! If it’s not who you’re surrounded with right now, don’t be afraid to change your scenery and move on to better things in this aspect of your life as well.


10. Seek the counseling services your college provides

Taking care of your mental health should be a top priority. Thankfully, every full-time Babson student gets 8 free counseling sessions. If you think that you need to talk to a professional in order to heal, feel free to reach out to the Counseling Service Office (call the Babson Counseling Services office at 781-239-6200 or email at [email protected]) and know that there’s nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it.

If you’re reading this and you’re going through the same thing, just know that this doesn’t define your worth. There’s way more to you than just this breakup, I know there is. So, do what you gotta do to take care of yourself first–block your ex on all social media or eat every last bit of ice cream in your fridge if that’s what you need. Then, get ready for new forms of happiness and satisfaction, because I promise you it’s gonna hit you like an 18-wheeler once you’re ready for it. Good luck and keep doing you boo.

* This is the first article in a series about lessons learned throughout college, simply titled “Lessons Learned,” by Britney Aguayo.