I hate the phrase “what if…”.
At this point in my life, it’s only been a phrase that leads to disappointment, frustration, and anger. Sure, good things have happened throughout my lifetime, but still, I hate it.
I’m a senior at Arizona State University, studying journalism and mass communication. With a little over a semester left in my time here, my life is filled with nothing but “what if’s…” now. It makes me feel vulnerable and scared for what may happen at the end of each phrase.
“What if I never leave Arizona?” “What if I break away from the path in front of me and chase my passion for music instead?” “What if I meet someone before I graduate that makes me stay?” “What if I don’t?” “What if I didn’t do enough to make a name for myself?”
It’s scary.
My track record for “what if’s…” hasn’t necessarily been the greatest at times throughout my college career.
The first of many unsuccessful “what if’s” began for me going into my sophomore year. I had been tragically dumped by a man that everyone would categorize as the epitome of a typical fraternity man.
“What if he comes back?” “What if he decides to love me again?”
Surprise! He didn’t, and he never will.
I was naive back then. I thought life was a fairy tale, so it’s not really that surprising that I got a taste of love and the real world for once. But, that’s where my story of let down’s began.
Fast-forwarding through the rest of my years, I’ve faced let down after let down of “what if’s…”.
“What if I win this position during sorority elections?” I didn’t. “What if she turns out to be a great addition to our apartment?” She was horrible. “What if this job opens lots of doors for me?” I ended up in therapy from that job.
Listen, I’m not asking for a pity party. Life is meant to be unkind to everyone. That’s the biggest lesson I’ve learned. It does have some good moments, and while it’s important to cherish those, it’s hard to forget something you thought you had in the palm of your hand.
The moral of the story is that I’m human, and it’s scary to be let down over and over again. Once again, I’m stuck wondering where life will take me next, and it’s terrifying.
What continues to get me by is reminding myself that I’m not alone. It’s reassuring knowing that so many other people are also constantly let down every day.
So, let’s hold hands and get let down together.