“How bad are your cramps?”
I was recently asked this question by a friend, as she was wondering if my cramps were as bad as hers.
“Uh…” was all I could reply.
I wanted to say more, but I just didn’t know what to say.
Rewind eight years.
I was a late-bloomer. One of those flat-chested girls who felt like they would have to wear training bras forever. In eighth grade, two of my friends and I made a pact to tell each other when we finally got our periods.
The very next year, one of my friends pulled myself and our other friend aside, and told us the big news.
I wanted to keep up my end of the pact. I did. But I never got the chance to.
Fast forward another year.
Sophomore year of high school I was voted on my school’s dance court. I had to get all dolled up. I bought a ruffled, cocktail dress from Dillard’s. I even bought my first bra, 34A. I was pretty proud of the size. I expected to be a much smaller size–if that was even possible. 34A is no gift from Mother Nature, but I was happy with it.
Another year goes by and still no arrival of Aunt Flo. My worried mother took me to the pediatrician, but the doctor said everything was on track and I should receive the “gift” within the next couple months. Those couple months passed and still nothing, so my mother made an appointment for me to meet with an OB-GYN.
The nurse that did my blood work said if my period didn’t arrive within the next month, I would have to make another appointment and get an ultrasound.
Several months passed, and still no period. Because your bladder has to be full for an ultrasound, I waited for the ultrasound technician with my bladder feeling like it was about to explode. My bladder was so full that the technician thought I prepared too much. She thought my bladder was blocking the view of my uterus, so I had to run back and forth to the bathroom.
After going to the bathroom at least three times, it was clear my bladder wasn’t blocking anything. To be safe, the technician wanted to do a vaginal ultrasound or an MRI. I was not about that vaginal ultrasound life, though, so I had an MRI.
Another couple months later, right before my 17th birthday, my mom told me about the results of the MRI. By the tone of her voice, I could tell something was wrong.
When she told me the results indicated I didn’t have a uterus, I felt a million miles away. After I regained my composure a few moments later, she continued to explain that I had ovaries, meaning I can have cramps.
Because there’s nothing holding down my ovaries, I experience cramps higher up in my abdomen. Because I feel them higher up, a lot of times I’m uncertain if I’m cramping or just have a really bad stomach ache. Even if I’m bloated, I’ll second guess myself. That’s why I don’t know how bad my cramps are.
A lot of woman say, “You’re so lucky.” Or worse, one time I was trying to comfort a friend who was on her period and had bad cramps, I said, “If I could trade with you, I would.” Now, I’ve said this before, but this time, it was different.
A girl next to us said, “Don’t say that.”
In the moment, when the girl said that, it hurt worse than any “you’re so lucky.” I wasn’t only trying to comfort the friend, but I was trying to find a way to emotionally cope with hearing about girls around me have their periods. When she said, “don’t say that,” I felt like she took away my way of coping.
The thing is, though, I’m not “so lucky” because I have no real physical signs telling me it’s “my time of the month.” I just want to feel normal like every other collegiette, and I do on most days, unless I’m cramping or I’m reminded of my condition in some way.
For those of us who do have this condition, we want to have some sense of normalcy in our lives without the gift of Mother Nature, which is why I have a love/hate relationship with bloating and cramping. On one hand, my stomach does cramp, I feel fat and I want chocolate. On the other hand, I get what most every collegiette has: I get to cramp.
Websites used:
http://artsy-life.blogspot.com/2009/05/mother-natures-monthly-gift.html
http://www.lovethispic.com/image/21140/pinky-promise
http://spongefan.wikia.com/wiki/File:A_Few_Moments_Later.jpg
http://imgarcade.com/1/period-cramps-meme/