This is a set of advice from a girl whose heart was recently shattered. After spending months alongside this individual, I became comfortable having them right there and slowly let myself drift. This relationship ending was nearly earth stopping for me, but it taught me some of the most valuable things I could ever imagine. Although it was an amount of pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone, I found out what I deserve in a relationship and the individual I want to be. This is the “breakup game plan” that I curated during my duration of healing mentally and emotionally. You are going to need to wallow at least once. So put on your favorite chick flicks, grab your comfort blanket and water bottle, your favorite sweet treat and bag of popcorn. This night is for you to let it all out. Grab the kleenex, cuddle on up because the next day we will begin becoming the ultimate girlboss. Once you have your night to wallow, it is time to get up and push through. Always remember, how we get through the difficult moments in our life is what defines us. Here are 10 tips from a girl who went through a recent heartbreak.
- Hobbies:I can not express this enough. Find little things in life that you enjoy doing. This is a great time to discover yourself and who you are after a relationship. Most of us will find that we have become a new version of ourselves post a romantic relationship, so get in touch with yourself! Here are some hobbies I took on:
→ Learning the guitar: I know learning a new instrument may sound challenging,but this is a beautiful way to distract yourself, teach yourself something new, and learn all the love songs that have been healing your heart along the way. I didn’t spend a lot of money on my guitar. A quick search on Facebook Marketplace could lead you to finding your new creative outlet.
→ Having a Green Thumb: I collected plants post breakup. A relationship died so now you must cultivate a new life.Having a plant is a responsibility you have to keep up with each week. It will be a pop of life and vibrant green to your comfort space. Along with taking care of houseplants, comes another fun task,Picking the pot and the plant. You can click here for more tips and tricks on houseplants. I personally went with terracotta pots because they are sturdy, cheap and also provide you with the opportunity to get creative as they are easy to paint. This allows you to tie your new babies into your aesthetic and get your hands dirty. This may lead to a new and improved space for the girlboss version of you.
→ Reading: A novel, no matter the genre or plot, lets you escape your current reality, open new perspectives, and takes you out of your current life just for a little bit. Novels can teach you so much even if they are fiction. Unlike watching a TV show, you grow your knowledge, vocabulary, and are doing something productive. Books can cost a lot of money, especially when you are a college student on a budget. I recommend visiting the public library, the library on campus, a used book store, or browsing the used books on Amazon. There are many great novels out there that may even draw you out of the post break up funk with a new life lesson or give you great inspiration.
→ Photography: Take photos throughout the day of all the little things that bring you joy. This can be your morning coffee, a furry friend, human friends, the walk to class, sunset, the list goes on, but ultimately it’s whatever gave you a little boost of serotonin that day. If one day the going gets tough, you have all these little reminders on your phone of what has brought you happiness.
- Journaling: Write your pain away. Go to your local store, my go to’s are Tj-Maxx and Target, and pick out whatever journal or notebook brings a smile to your face along with your favorite color of pens. Dedicate 15-20 minutes a day to writing down how you are feeling, whether it’s words or images, just get it down on the paper and out of your head. Seeing your thoughts and emotions on paper make them a lot easier to process and not a weight on your shoulders anymore because now they are out there. Journaling should be easy, don’t see it as something that has to be organized or well written. Whatever you write is for YOU and YOU only, meaning it doesn’t even have to be full sentences. At the end of the day, it is comforting seeing how you are feeling rather than all of it bubbling up and racing through your mind.
- Exercise: Always remember that your body is your temple so treating it well is highly important. Exercise releases endorphins and is an amazing outlet for frustration. To me, gym time is me time. It’s one hour dedicated to pushing myself to my limits and slowly improving myself for me only. Feeling good in our own skin is step one to loving ourselves because, at the end of the day, the best love is the love we feel for ourselves. Even if you have to drag your butt out of bed, DO IT. Put on the big t-shirt and your headphones to either hit the gym, go to your favorite park for a walk or run, or you can even stay at home and follow a Youtube video. There are also plenty of options here at App State that the school provides for free workout classes such as cardio dance, twerk and tone, yoga, and spin. Exercise doesn’t have to be daunting or difficult. There are many fun and easy ways to release some tension, raise your energy levels, and focus on yourself.
- Get Outside: Whenever possible, take a little time to get outside. It doesn’t matter how long. Make sure to allow yourself to have quiet alone time with nature. The sunlight is important for us and keeps us in good spirits no matter the time of year. The only technology I recommend bringing for your outdoor time is music and make sure this is relaxing music. This is a great time to remove yourself from the hecticness of a college day and check in with yourself.
- Set a day just for you: I usually do this on Sundays, but any day that you have a large amount of free time, use it for you. Let yourself relax this day by sleeping in, eating good food, using face masks, watching your favorite shows, reading, or even treating yourself to a pastry. Each week comes with its own set of struggles, so it is important to have one day to recoup and reward yourself for all you have done in the past days.
- Cook for yourself: Breakfast, lunch and dinner prepare meals at home for yourself. Food is so important during a grieving process because it is what you are putting into your body. Finding healthy, easy-to-cook meals not only makes you feel good and energized throughout the day, but cooking is another great hobby you can pick up. Make sure to keep your fridge stocked with healthier options and a few guilty pleasures. This helps with keeping you inclined to eat at home, provide more time with yourself, refocus while you prepare a meal.
- Keep a tidy space: This can be especially difficult when you are feeling a lot of emotions and everything seems difficult, but 10 minutes a day is all it takes. It doesn’t have to be a deep clean all the time and maybe it is just folding your laundry that day or making your bed. I am a firm believer that a clean space means a clear mind.
- Out with the old: Go through all of your clothes and belongings. This may seem like a daunting task, but take it one day at a time. Filter through all of your clothes and keep the pieces you wear the most, fit, and make you feel confident. If it doesn’t do all of these for you, toss it. Same goes for knick knacks. If it no longer brings you joy then toss it. Your space and life should only be filled with things that make you happy and serve a purpose. It is time to get rid of the clutter and restart; this is a new you.
- Time with friends and family: Your friends and family are your pillars and will be so helpful in getting you through this difficult time. Make sure to talk with them and lean on them for support. Set aside at least one night a week to get out of the house and go do something fun. If you don’t feel like going out, have a night in, whether that’s making dinner or having a movie night.
- Flowers: As the great Miley Cyrus said, buy yourself flowers. Each week head to the grocery store or farmers market and pick yourself up a bouquet of your favorite flowers or whichever bouquet makes your heart smile. It is a little reminder each day of your self love and adds a pop of life and color into your space.
Remember to be patient with yourself. Not everyday is going to be easy, but follow these baby steps to get in tune with yourself, grow your self love, and discover who you are now outside of the relationship.