Following Texas Senator Ted Cruz’s deeply uncomfortable Twitter faux-pas on Monday night that gave night-owls a TMI/NSFW look into his alleged pornographic tastes, there were plenty of reactions from across the Internet. However, one person who is always the most valuable resource for all things Cruz is his college roommate — Craig Mazin, who lived with him for one glorious freshman year in 1988 at Princeton University.
Mazin, an accomplished screenwriter who wrote both “Hangover” sequels, has regularly roasted his former roomie on Twitter at nearly every opportunity available. So, the late-night shenanigans on Monday were some low-hanging fruit for the seasoned pro.
In response to all the porn jokes, Craig invited Twitterers to go on a terrible and uncomfy journey to imagine being up-close and personal with Cruz’s, uh, Teddy-time.
“Now imagine Ted Cruz is doing this four feet below you in the bottom bunk bed,” Mazin wrote. “Yes, my misery very much appreciates your company.”
Now imagine Ted Cruz is doing this four feet below you in the bottom bunk bed.
Yes, my misery very much appreciates your company.
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) September 12, 2017
He went on to criticize his porn taste, saying “Sadly, the fact that Ted Cruz jacks off to mediocre porn spam is the most human thing we can say about him. This is actually his high point.”
But, then, confronted with the reality that the Pandora’s Box of scenarios that brought Ted Cruz to favorite a pirated porn video (late at night on September, 11, no less), Mazin found it in himself to pity the uninitiated and the innocence they had lost. Well, almost.
“I never wanted this for any of you. I thought maybe I’d feel better if two or three people knew. Not six billion,” he wrote. “That said? I FEEL BETTER.”
Meanwhile, Politico reports that Cruz said on Tuesday that the fave was totally the fault of a staffer and that there’s nothing more to see here.
“There are a number of people on the team who have access on the account. It appears that someone inadvertently hit the like button. When we discovered the post, which was I guess an hour or two later, we pulled it down,” Cruz said. “It was a staffing issue. And it was inadvertent, it was a mistake. It was not a deliberate act. We’re dealing with it internally, but it was a mistake. It was not malicious.”
However, the real and true take-away from Mazin and Cruz’s relationship is that you should probably consider being exponentially nicer to your freshman roommates.