We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a recently wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Jon is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.
I’ve known this guy since I was 14 and he was 15. We met through mutual friends. Over the following years we exchanged numbers and talked a little, and I mean barely (only when we were at the same event). But when we would hang out (again barely) we would be a little friendlier than just friends. I’m pretty sure he knew I kind of liked him. Now I go to college four hours away from home and am involved on my campus. During the past year and a half my club has had events that needed a DJ (which he is). I asked if he was interested and all five times he came to the event and stayed with me. Each time he comes to my school it’s like our friendship keeps growing. Recently he’s been opening up to me more. And whenever I’m home we actually hang out and do things together (he even pays for me). I find myself falling for this guy more than ever. I’m not too sure what to do. The other day I surprised him with tickets to our favorite concert and then told him how I felt, he apparently felt the same way, but never told me. Now two weeks have gone by and nothing… no progress whatsoever. Now I’m 21 and he’s 22, I would think we could be more adult about this. Am I overthinking this? Should I continue to wait? Does he actually like me? – Cali Girl
Cali Girl,
You two definitely have some history.
It seems like you both enjoy each other’s company. The dialogue you describe is what a lot of people don’t find until they are well into a committed relationship. By divulging personal information, it is clear he trusts you. Further, by answering your call for a DJ every time you ask and by staying with you, he has showed he enjoys spending time with you. More than that, by paying when you hang out he shows that he enjoys your time together so much so that he does not want the cost to be a burden to you.
Now to address a few matters.
Determining if he likes you as a friend or more than a friend is complicated. Without a peek into his brain we can only speculate. His continual filling of the DJ position may on the surface appear to you as though he is interested in you. However, he may just as likely be a committed disk jockey who is slow on gigs. Further, paying for you when you hang out may just mean he is a gentleman. I often pay for friends of mine who are women, without any feelings beyond friendship.
Now for a big one – “he apparently felt the same way.” By this I am guessing you mean a physical representation of love (maybe a kiss, a make out sesh or sex… it does not really matter). I regret to inform you that these acts do not require mutual feelings from both people. I am not saying you are wrong; rather, he is a guy with hormones.
To answer your questions:
“Am I overthinking this?”
You probably are overthinking it, but that’s okay. Overthinking is great to keep you from getting played.
“Should I continue to wait?”
You seem to have a good guy who enjoys your company. More than that, you both have developed a trusting connection. A two- week hiatus over your long history is a small stretch of time. I would wait. Better yet, I suggest you don’t wait and talk to him. Ask him how he feels about you. The glory of being able to have good conversation with someone is that you can ask serious questions!
“Does he actually like me?”
He definitely likes you as a friend. If I were to guess I would say he likes you more than a friend. But that’s just speculation. The only way to find out is to ask him.
The takeaway here is to ask him how he feels about you. We men tend not to notice a question until it is asked, even if it apparent to others.
Best of luck,
Jon