I Did A Thing is our weekly advice column where the Her Campus editorial team helps you out when you ruin your own life (hey, we’ve been there). Email advice@hercampus.com for any and everything you need help with. We’ll answer you (anonymously!) on hercampus.com so we can all learn, together. We’ve got your back.
@anxiouslyawaiting: So, I did a thing. I have this friend I met during my year off. She’s really great and we had all these plans – but life and my anxiety have gotten in the way. I’m studying for my Master’s and about 6 weeks ago had this horrible like notion that I was going to fail and subsequently crush my parents and ruin my life. Not worried about that now! But, I haven’t responded to her messages since then and they’re giving me a lot of anxiety. We’re not even in the same country, so part of me is just saying ride this out and part of me says she deserves better. What do I do???
@helpmehc: I’ve 100% been there. And I think a lot of us have. Especially when you’re in college, or just juggling a freaking absurd amount of things at once, it’s way too easy to let your friendships fall to the wayside. You’re balancing so much that ignoring a text for a day or two seems easy to justify… and then another week passes, and then another week. One thing that’s helpful to remember is that your friends care about you and respect you and your time, and the friends that matter will understand. I’d be straight up with her. I’d also recognize that, yeah, she may be pissed at you, or hurt, or not thinking anything at all. I’d sit down and call her, or text her, or hop on face time and be like, “So, life has been terrible and I’ve been a less-than-amazing friend. Anxiety has made it really hard to juggle everything going on, but I’ve been thinking about you a lot and I miss you. Your friendship means a lot to me, and I’d love to catch up. I hope to hear from you soon!”
At the end of the day, the ball is in her court (ew, sports metaphor, sorry). Hopefully she gets back to you soon, and you can rekindle an amazing friendship. But moving forward, it’s probably a good idea to try to find ways to prepare your friends for your disappearance. Nothing wrong with sending a text to the group and being like “life is hell and I’m going to be M.I.A. for a few weeks. But I love you all and am here if you need me!” That way, no one is panicking or feels abandoned, and they know you’re there for anything huge. Good luck, @anxiouslyawaiting! We’re rooting for you ?