Contrary to popular belief, majoring in psychology is not all Freud and games. So shout out to the future psychologists, psychiatrists and human experience scholars of the world—may your p-values always be less than .05.
1. Your lab coat fashion game is flawless
But not flawless enough to confound the study by distracting participants.
2. Someone, somewhere, has assumed you can read their mind
Girl, I can’t even read my own mind—that’s telepathy, not psychology.
3. Grad school applications are in your future
Or lengthy explanations of why your undergrad psych degree prepares you for a ~seemingly~ unrelated job.
4. You self-diagnose with a new disorder every semester
Meanwhile, your friends roll their eyes in unison.
5. But you may also discover very real truths about yourself
And nothing feels better than the validation of having your mental health questions answered and normalized.
6. Breaks consist of psychoanalyzing your family
“Is this why I’m so screwed up?”
7. You’re the designated squad therapist (and dream analyzer)
Apparently, no one cares that you’re not a licensed and registered psychologist.
8. When it comes to note-taking, highlighters are bae.
Classes consist of hand cramps, and studying involves endless memorization.
9. Speaking of test-taking, you’ve been known to employ what you’ve learned about memory in hopes of acing your exam
“So, you’re telling me that smell associations can trigger memories?” *Frantically slathers on the hand sanitizer worn when memorizing flash cards the night before*
10. And there is nothing more hypocritical than studying for health psychology exams
*Is up until the sun rises, binge-eating vending machine food to survive while memorizing an endless list of facts and stats concerning the importance of sleep, heathy eating and the dangers of high-pressure situations*
11. The acronyms APA and ANOVA give you mild panic attacks
Please, no.
12. You theorize on the daily about the psychological origins of common millennial hobbies and woes
*Swipes through Instagram*
*Pretends to know exactly why that girl posted that picture*
*Spends hours analyzing color and angle choice, resulting in a psychological evaluation of her entire family all the way down to her great grandmother’s poodle*
13. And you daydream about ~super relevant~ psych studies you know you’ll never actually conduct
Hypothesis: pregaming to Fergalicious correlates with ultra-confident dancing and flirting later in the night.
14. You begin to question the reality of everything
Are we all just conformists whose Tinder swipes are affected by evolution and whose interests are affected by ingrained societal standards?
15. Seriously, you’re even skeptical of yourself
“Am I actually sick, or is it all in my head?”
“Is this medicine working, or is it just a placebo?”
“Who even am I?”
16. But at the same time, you feel proud for engaging in coursework that makes you question norms
If there’s one thing you’ve learned, it’s that the first step in avoiding human error is recognizing its causes and effects.
17. Which leads you to a solid conclusion: everyone should be a psychology major
Free health advice? Tools to avoid sexism, racism, aggression and conformism? Validation of self care and an education in acceptance? Why exactly is this degree not a citizenship requirement?