Unless you’re the ~golden~ child of the family, certain conversations can go from zero to 100 real quick when talking with your parents or guardians. These discussions can often lead to full-blown arguments, which may or may not be solved later on. If they’re not solved, it can really put a damper on your relationship. So, what are some common disagreements you’ll probably have with your parents (if you haven’t already), and how do you solve them?
1. Making plans
With college comes more freedom than you sometimes know what to do with, but if you’re living at home or just visiting during a break, that freedom can feel squashed. Making plans with your friends can especially be a nightmare if your parents are on the stricter side when it comes to going out.
Riley Geoghegan, a sophomore at Carthage College, explains that her biggest disagreements with her parents stem from her making plans and her curfew.
“I’m the only child of my family and they’re a little overprotective of me,” says Riley.
It’s sweet for your parents to care a little extra about where you are and what you’re doing, but there are limits that come after reaching a certain age. If you’re not college-bound just quite yet, this can be even more difficult.
Related: 4 Ways to Set Boundaries with Your Parents Before College
2. Curfew
If your parents are already strict about you making plans, then curfew may come right along with it as a packaged deal. So, in the rare event your parents don’t mind you making plans, they’re probably asking that you be home early AF.
“[My parents] sometimes still see me as a little girl and say I have to be home before 10,” says Riley. “I get a little angry and frustrated for them not understanding me and babying me.”
Curfews can feel silly and childish, but it’s not uncommon to disagree upon when you should be walking through the door after going out.
Related: 22 Lies College Girls Tell Their Parents
3. Money
While money doesn’t always equal happiness, it most certainly always equals stress. Whether it be about your spending habits or finding a job to paying off your loans and making car parents, money is a huge topic that is often disagreed upon by collegiettes and their parents.
Plus, it can be even more of an issue if you decide to move back home with your parents after college, especially if they turn into your partial landlords (*gasp* rent?! In my own home?).
Arguing about money is hardly a walk in the park, but regardless if the conversation goes south or not, it’s still a worthy topic of discussion between you and your parents whatever the context may be.
4. Education
And just when you think you’ve dealt with all the disagreements you can handle! Education can be a tricky topic for you and your parents for a variety of reasons. Money may be a huge factor, but it can also be about where you wish to attend school, where you’re going to live and, perhaps the biggest one, what are you going to study?
There are plenty of parents out there who support their child in whatever degree(s) they choose to pursue, which is not to say that your parents don’t support your decisions if you’ve had disagreements about your areas of study before. Rather, it’s more about them either getting too caught up in this preconceived notion that there’s a certain field you were meant to study, or that some degrees aren’t as equal as others.
Regardless, it’s ultimately your life and your education, but if your parents are helping you through college, the least you can do is stop and listen to their reasoning behind your disagreement.
5. Significant others
Don’t worry, we didn’t forget your SO! It can feel extremely disheartening when you and your parents don’t see eye-to-eye on your significant other, but it’s not uncommon for collegiettes and their parents to disagree on a SO.
Just as money, this disagreement in particular can stem from a variety of reasons, so it’s important to understand what the beef is between your SO and your parents and if there’s anything you can do to build back up some bridges.
Related: What to Do When Your Parents Don’t Like Your SO
How can you solve these arguments?
Okay, so we’ve established some common disagreements you and your parents will probably run into. So, how do you go about solving them?
“What works for me is taking a step back and seeing things from their point of view,” says Riley. “Normally they aren’t doing it to be mean or to purposely hurt me.”
It might feel like your parents are absolutely nuts with some of their rules, but when you take a moment to consider where they’re coming from and why, it can help shed some light on how to better handle the situation.
For example, if they’re worried about you being safe when going out, you can remind them that A. your pepper spray is in your purse, and B. you’ll be with a group of friends you can trust! They just want you to be careful, so try not to become too frustrated.
“After being angry for a while, we come back together and talk it out,” Riley explains. “Yes things do get a little heated sometimes, but normally after talking we tend to work things out.”
Communication is key, and not just with your SO. Disagreements and arguments can often arise from the expectations we fail to voice, so it’s important to communicate openly with your parents to understand what they expect from you, and how you can move forward when they don’t disagree with your actions.
“I now realize my parents only want what’s best for me, so depending on what our disagreement is I always try to see where they’re coming from before getting defensive,” says Makena Gera, a freshman at Marist College. “If you still think that you’re right, staying calm and not getting angry with them is the only way that they’ll ever concede to your opinion.”
It’s clear that a little perspective goes a long way, so rather than trying to “win” the argument, becoming angry and completely ignoring their side, it’s better to consider all sides of the disagreement and let your maturity in handling the situation speak for itself.
How shouldn’t you approach these disagreements?
Now that you have a better idea on how to approach these arguments, it’s a good time for a reminder on how not to approach them.
“I don’t have a lot of disagreements with my parents (thankfully), but when I do, I’ve realized recently that getting angry and defensive with them never solves the problem,” says Makena
Putting up your guard and becoming angry is often the go-to, but again, it’ll do you so much better to be open with your parents.
“My solutions in the past always consisted of giving my parents the silent treatment for a long time after an argument, but that usually only made the situation much worse and prolonged the argument,” Makena continues.
It’s tempting to approach the situation like so to prove a point, but again, your parents will respect your maturity as you work quickly to reach an agreement!
At the end of the day, your parents are looking out for you and have your best interests at heart (even if it doesn’t seem like it at first). Understand where they’re coming from, show some compassion and remember that it’s totally normal not to be on the same page with your parents on everything. Just stay calm and focus on positively reaching an agreement!