Sometimes you want something so bad that you trick yourself into believing it’s within reach. Like being able to afford traveling the world, eventually marrying Zac Efron and kicking ass at this whole adulting thing. Unfortunately, most of your cash is going to student loans, your dating record consists of Tinder creeps and this whole “adulting” thing is kicking your ass instead. Here are some other ways that you probably convince yourself you’ve got it all together, when that couldn’t be further from the truth.
1. You put on pants multiple days in a row.
Well, you had work (AKA no choice), but still, that has to count for something.
2. You carry a planner with you at all times.
Even though it’s mostly filled with doodles instead of to-do lists.
3. You own (and sometimes even wear) workout clothes…
But don’t actually work out in them.
4. You pride yourself on never leaving your place without a book or magazine.
Girl, you know the most you read on a daily basis is the label on your Starbucks order.
5. You plan a bunch of productive activities.
Like: eating, sleeping and finally catching up on Luke Cage.
6. You made your bed this morning.
Which may explain why you ended up jumping right back into it and napping for three hours.
7. You drink wine out of an actual glass, rather than a cup.
Oh you fancy, huh?
8. You reduce clutter by placing crap in random places.
How else would seven bobby pins and a voodoo doll of your ex end up in your laundry bin?
9. You’re not ashamed of inviting friends over, despite your messy room.
Even though everyone jokes that it looks like a set piece from Stranger Things.
10. You figure that a healthy meal cancels out eating an unhealthy snack.
Green smoothie for breakfast? You deserve an entire sleeve of cookies as a reward!
11. You enjoy baking, which makes you totally domesticated.
It also gives you an excuse to eat raw cookie dough like the wild, sweet-toothed animal you are.
12. You make it a point to donate items you don’t want anymore.
Giving back feels good…and so does making room for the things you DO want.
13. You post about any social gathering you went to recently.
Truthfully, you only bothered to go because you knew there’d be cute people and free food.
14. You can make takeout last for more than a week.
If that doesn’t make you a superhero, you don’t know what will.
15. Most of your clothes smell clean even though you haven’t washed them.
Then again, you’ve probably adjusted to the scent of filth and laziness.
16. You’ve convinced yourself that drunk-bar dancing counts as cardio.
Pouring in shots while pouring out sweat. It’s a win-win.
17. You occasionally update your LinkedIn profile.
Just not as much as you monitor your Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or Snapchat.
18. You own a beautiful, decorative plant.
But not a real one—otherwise that shit would die.
19. No one else knows your Netflix password.
You may not always drink responsibility (see #16), but at least you date responsibly.
20. You factor naps into your recommended eight hours of sleep.
Your parents would be so proud.
21. You do lots of “work” in local coffee shops.
Which basically means: surfing the internet and people-watching while you inhale your macchiato.
22. You cut back on alcohol, excluding special occasions.
Like happy hours, work events, watching the presidential debates…basically, perfect excuses to drink.
23. Most of the produce you bought last week hasn’t died in your fridge yet.
This is why you only buy non-perishables like trail mix and chips SMH.
24. You can cook without burning the food…or yourself.
Even though nine out of 10 times you’ll say screw it and eat cereal instead.
25. You always manage to find lost items just in time.
It’s not your fault your wallet and keys grow legs and frequently run away from you.
26. You create a budget and stick to it…mostly.
You just can’t resist a makeup palette that screams INDULGE at you.
27. You incorporate veggies into your diet.
If a pizza has spinach leaves and tomato sauce, that counts as a serving, right?
28. You prioritize important appointments.
Hair and nails today, doctor and dentist…eventually.
29. You’re easy to get a hold of.
Which means you get yelled at for always being on your phone. Sigh.
30. You don’t go to work with a hangover…often.
This means you’re maturing into a real adult, right?
31. You match your bra with your underwear.
You’ve got to do something to make it seem like you have your shit together when you don’t.