After a totally unnecessary recap of what Arie did to Becca last season, complete with tearful close-ups and black-and-white flashbacks, we finally got to meet all the new guys. From bad puns to minivans, here are the best and worst ways Becca’s suitors introduced themselves.
THE BEST
1. Garrett
The “true outdoorsman” rolled up in a minivan fully stocked with a diaper bag, car seats, and a soccer ball. Why? To show Becca that he would be a “great dad and an awesome husband.” I mean, if a guy brought up marriage/having kids less than five seconds after I learned his name, I’d probably throw my drink on him, but Becca seemed really into it. She even ended up giving Garrett and his Dad-Mobile the first impression rose. Even if it was over-the-top, Garrett gets points for A: creativity, and B: driving something that’s about as far from a race car as you can get.
2. Colton
Former Pro Football Player and current Philanthropist Colton brought two confetti poppers, which he and Becca set off together. Insanely clever or original? No. Fun and memorable? Yes. Colton’s confetti was just celebratory enough without being cheesy or annoyingly overdone. It definitely worked for Becca, who gave him a rose at the end of the night.
3. Chris
Like 70 percent of the girls from your hometown, Becca has a couple of Biblical tattoos. (Their parents may not approve, but Jesus sure does!) Chris leaned into this and brought along an entire gospel choir to serenade Becca while he introduced himself. Extra? You can’t deny it. But Becca liked it, and who doesn’t feel uplifted after listening to a gospel choir? You better share that rose with your singing squad, Chris.
THE WORST
1. Clay
So, full disclaimer: I’m not a pun girl. But even if you genuinely enjoy them, Clay’s constant stream of football wordplay would still probably make you groan, not giggle. Want to hear the highlight tape? He said, “I’ve caught a lot of passes in my day but if I were to land you, you’d by far be the biggest catch of my life. I will catch you inside.” Yikes. Still, Clay won Becca over inside the mansion and will be back next week. Hopefully he leaves the puns on the sidelines.
2. Nick
Nick loves “brunches, barbecues, and the beach.” He also loves wearing his tracksuit and thinks bringing up a girl’s ex is the best way to make a first impression. He showed up in a full racing outfit, which he stripped off while cursing out Arie. No points from me, but Becca gave him a rose. Okay then.
3. Mike
Mike and his man bun managed to commit the same first impression crime as Nick but like, in the first degree instead of the third. He actually brought along a life-sized cut out of Arie with him to meet Becca, for reasons never fully explained. Um, can someone please tell these guys that this season is about Becca, not Arie? And will the producers please give Becca a personality beyond “heartbroken former contestant who’s ready to do the damn thing once and for all?” Thanks. Oh, and despite all this, man-bun-Mike still got a rose.
4. Joe
Okay, I actually feel badly for Joe. He was super talkative in his grocery store among his lettuce friends, but he totally lost the ability to form sentences the second he saw Becca. It would be cute if they were in middle school, but this is The Bachelorette––basically the Olympics of dating. Sorry, Joe, no rose for you.
HONORABLE MENTION
Remember the guy who showed up in a full-on chicken suit? Of course you do. It’s not the sort of thing that’s easy to unsee. His name is David and he’s your typical venture capitalist finance bro trying to distract from his lack of personality with ridiculous antics, like dressing up as big bird on national television. He gets an honorable mention because I genuinely had no idea whether or not his getup made his first impression one of the best or one of the worst. Memorable? Yes. Marriage material? Um, don’t think so, but who knows at this point? Becca did give him a rose, after all.
We’re def in for an interesting season….