'The Bachelorette' Recap: Luke Makes Us Swoon, JoJo Chokes at Rose Ceremony

Chase’s hometown was beautiful but boring—just like him.

There was snow, a furry blanket, an unfinished stairwell and a passive aggressive conversation with his dad. I’m sure producers were hoping for more fireworks when they forced Chase to have a basement therapy session with his dad, but it was mostly tears.

JoJo met the rest of Chase’s family, which was a lot happier but there were still SO many tears.

On to Jordan’s hometown of Chico, California. Even though JoJo had never heard of Chico before Jordan arrived on her radar, it is now her favorite place EVER. She squealed at deer, enthusiastically greeted all of Jordan’s lame high school teachers and even enjoyed a tour of his alma mater.

Then, she saw a picture of Aaron Rodgers and had the nerve to ask Jordan about it. Needless to say, he did NOT want to talk about it or him or football or anything else for at least 30 seconds.

With all of the buildup surrounding Jordan’s tumultuous relationship with his QB brother, I was ~*really*~ expecting to get the dirt from the fam. But leave it to parents to not want to badmouth their son on national television.

JoJo was dying to tell Jordan she loves him but she couldn’t because Ben.

Robby’s hometown in Florida had a little too much Robby for my taste.

Robby’s mom—who seems like a really nice woman who got roped into a producer lie and couldn’t find her way out—informed her son about the nasty rumor that’s been going around about his past relationship.

Turns out, Robby’s ex’s roommate (who may or may not even exist) has been spreading vicious lies about the breakup. Except they’re probably not lies. Because Robby is such a skeeze.

Robby freaked out and denied, denied, denied. He also said his ex slapped him once. But Robby has a face that is just begging to be slapped, so if that part is true, I commend her.

He gave JoJo all the token signs a lying player could give, but JoJo decided she should “trust” him. Ew, why?

And then there’s LUKE. O. M. G. The Luke-ness of this episode was ~~everything~~

There was a big backyard BBQ with 50 of Luke’s closest friends and family.

His dad cried a little when he told him he loves him and is proud of him.

And if you thought your feels for Luke couldn’t get any stronger, there was horseback riding, a makeshift hay bale couch and a gorgeous sunset to prove you wrong.

THEN >> Luke blew my mind with his breathtaking rose petal grass decoration and his jaw-dropping chemistry with JoJo, which was on full display as sweeping country music amplified the cinematic moment. I was so distracted that I did not even notice he never told JoJo he loves her; I could have sworn it happened.

All too soon, the date was over and I was dying for Luke to chase after JoJo’s departing car on horseback.

With the portion of the episode where JoJo pretend converses with the guys’ families done, it was time for the rose ceremony…at an airport?

Yes, there was a red carpet and private plane at JoJo’s disposal should she choose to forgo this rose ceremony.

JoJo admitted that she was ready to send Luke home…wait, WHAT?! That is by far the most bizarre, insane, stupid, awful decision you could ever make.

But Luke stopped her right before she started handing out roses to admit he’s in love with her.

Of course, this left JoJo way too confused to send a guy home during this episode. Instead, she curled into a little ball in her tight blue evening gown and cried, lollygagging around long enough for “To Be Continued” to become necessary.

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