It’s hometown week—time to meet the faces behind all those childhood sob stories we’ve been hearing about all season! Also, Tia is back to stir up drama because those lash extensions aren’t going to pay for themselves, but more on that later.
Garrett
First, we’re off to somewhere outside of Manteca, California, to meet Garrett’s fam, and the setting is really pretty. Why are the final guys always from these cute towns that are basically Hallmark/Lifetime/Disney movie sets? Anyway, Garrett shows Becca around his “agricultural business,” aka farm, and Becca is shook. It’s like she literally thinks avocados just materialize in the middle of Whole Foods.
Garrett: These are tomato plants. They grow tomatoes.
Becca: OMG NO WAY!
Garrett: This is a planter. It’s where we’re going to plant the tomatoes.
Becca: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT
After Becca learns about all the different types of vegetables and how they grow from–get this–seeds, Garrett takes her for a ride in a tractor and she is SUPER into it. Um, maybe you shouldn’t make out with him while he’s operating heavy machinery? At least now we know Becca’s type––guys who drive things, and it doesn’t matter if it’s a race car or a tractor. Soon, Garrett starts to get a little weirded out by Becca’s obsession with seeing him drive the tractor and takes her to go meet his family before he changes his mind about her.
They go to his parents house, and Becca learns that Garrett has a twin! Plot twist! You can tell she’s wondering if he has a better personality than him but it’s too late for that now. Garrett’s dad pulls Becca to the side to talk to her about Garrett’s ex-wife, which is totally an appropriate topic of conversation for the first time you meet your son’s new girlfriend. Scare tactics much? Becca doesn’t exactly handle it well.
Garrett’s Dad: Garrett went through a nasty divorce, and it was a very difficult time for him–––
Becca: OMG same, almost. I was engaged which is basically the same thing. Have you heard about what Arie did to me? If you’ve been to a CVS within the past six months you probably have, but still.
Yikes. Okay, if we needed confirmation, Becca is definitely the girl that tries to make every tragedy ever about her through social media. Then, she makes the situation even more awkward by implying that her and Garrett have a special soul sister blood oath bond since they were both (almost) married and now they’re not. Then, Becca sits down with Garrett’s mom, who is not amused.
Garrett’s mom: I take my family very seriously.
Becca: Same, that’s why I’m looking for a husband on a reality show.
Jason
Um, does anyone else remember how Becca straight up forgot this guy’s name during that spa group date in week three? Well, I think he’s only still here because Becca feels really bad about what happened and has been making an effort to say his name at every rose ceremony since then. IDK about him, he just seems like one of those guys who will annoy you until you let them buy you a drink and then act like you owe them, usually at a bar below 14th street. Maybe it’s the half-zip, popper collar, and scarf situation.
They head to Buffalo, NY, which is where you can get the best chicken wings ever, and compete in a chicken wing eating contest, which is the worst date idea ever. Guess what Jason and Becca do? I could literally feel Becca’s makeup artist cringing every time she got wing sauce all over her contour.
Then, they go ice skating because Jason is a hockey bro, surprise surprise. He also starts calling Becca “Beckster.” Ouch, Becca. You forgot this guy’s name and he has a nickname for you?
Later, Jason’s dad pulls him aside for a talk and is just really confused about why his successful banker son has decided to do reality TV, but is trying to be supportive.
Jason’s Dad: If this is what you want to do with your life…
Jason: Yeah, I always dreamed of promoting detox tea with my wife on Instagram.
Blake
Okay, Becca can say whatever she wants about Garrett, but she looks the most excited to see Blake by far. They’re in Bailey, Colorado, and it’s snowing. You know Becca is thinking about what a nice backdrop it would make for their family Christmas card. They head over to Blake’s high school and he gives her a tour, including his football picture on the school’s wall of fame. Okay, so maybe Blake peaked in high school. It doesn’t mean we like him any less!
He takes Becca into the auditorium and there’s some sort of concert going on (Yup, one of THOSE dates) and Becca acts like whichever P!NK knockoff is performing is her all-time favorite singer, like, ever. How much do the producers slip Becca on the side to pretend to be into all these random artists that agree to go on the show? At least Blake is looking super cute. His gray bomber jacket and tee almost make up for the hideous black button down and red bow tie combo we were subjected to during the rose ceremony. Come on Blake, are you a trendy beer sales rep or a bar mitzvah emcee? All he’s missing is a fedora and a matching vest.
They head back to Blake’s parents’ house and Blake’s mom is drinking a GIANT glass of wine, which is understandable considering her son just told the entire country about how she had an affair with his English teacher/basketball coach. She seems really nervous about how Blake is holding up and tells Becca how delicate and sensitive he is. Like, okay Mrs. Horstmann, but did you hear Blake roasting Colton about being a virgin last week? He’s fine.
Colton
Speaking of everyone’s favorite cherub, Colton takes Becca to the children’s hospital he volunteers at. It’s all super wholesome and cute and perfectly on brand with Colton’s patron saint of football image.
Colton: Hi, everyone! This is my girlfriend Becca.
The little girls: Um, who? I thought we had something going here, Colton!?
At some point Becca and Colton have a conversation where it becomes very clear she is not at all over what happened last week.
Becca: Tbh I don’t know if you’re ready for this.
Colton: Ok.
Becca: It’s because you’re not very experienced.
Colton: I get it.
Becca: I’m talking about you being a virgin.
Colton: Ok please stop.
She won’t drop the subject when they go meet his fam and brings up the whole “Colton is a virgin” situation to BOTH of his parents. Colton’s dad is just, like, low-key disappointed that Becca isn’t Tia, but his mom is SHOOK.
Becca: So, Colton told me he’s a virgin.
Colton’s Dad: Yeah it’s wack. So, where’s Tia?
Becca: So, Colton told me he’s a virgin.
Colton’s Mom: We do not talk about that in this family, excuse me while I go cleanse my soul. I better see you in church this Sunday, young lady.
Girl Talk Time
Before the rose ceremony, Becca talks to her closest girl squad, aka her Bachelor franchise frenemies that she is contractually obliged to post Instagrams with at least twice a month. Tia is there, obviously, looking like she straight up wants to murder Becca. The second Becca mentions Colton’s name, Tia reaches across the coffee table and grabs her by the throat! Okay, not exactly, but the producers would have LOVED that.
Tia: You. Me. Outside. Now.
Becca: Okay, bye bye girlies, time to talk to my BFF Tia!
They head out to the glass terrace and tbh if I was Becca, I would be freaking out and staying far away from Tia’s acrylic-nailed fingers, and the edge of the terrace. You know, just playing it safe. They sit down on some trendy outdoor furniture and Tia cuts right to the chase.
Tia: I still have feelings for Colton. He’s a former NFL player and the only way I can be relevant.
Becca: Ugh, this sucks. I thought you were going to tell me that he’s lying about being a virgin.
The Rose Ceremony
Blake, Garrett, and––what was his name again? Oh, Jason––roll up to the rose ceremony without incident. Colton, on the other hand, decides to stop outside to talk to Chris Harrison and basically ask him to give him “the talk.”
Colton: So, um, fantasy suites are next week, and I don’t really know what goes on in there––
Chris: That’s a conversation you should be having with Becca. Or with your dad when you were in eighth grade.
Also Chris: They don’t pay me enough for this.
Garrett gets a rose, obviously. That tractor really sealed the deal. Blake does too, because Becca hasn’t completely taken leave of her senses yet. Then it’s time for the final rose: Will it go to America’s Sweetheart, Colton Underwood? Or the guy whose name Becca forgot in week three?
And it goes to the guy whose name Becca forgot in week three! Yeah, this season is something else. Girl really must have not wanted to get all educational in the fantasy suite with him. But also, props to Becca for not picking a husband just because they’re a former NFL player and she thinks it will increase her chances of getting her own reality show post-Bachelorette *cough* Jojo *cough*