The 10 Best Joan Rivers Quotes of All Time

Joan Rivers, beloved comedienne, red carpet commentator and sharp-tongued Fashion Police host passed away today, her daughter Melissa said in a statement. She was 81.


"It is with great sadness that I announce the death of my mother, Joan Rivers," read the statement. "She passed peacefully at 1:17pm surrounded by family and close friends. My son and I would like to thank the doctors, nurses, and staff of Mount Sinai Hospital for the amazing care they provided for my mother. Cooper and I have found ourselves humbled by the outpouring of love, support and prayers we have received from around the world. They have been heard and appreciated. My mother’s greatest joy in life was to make people laugh. Although that is difficult to do right now, I know her final wish would be that we return to laughing soon.”

In honor of Joan, HC wants to celebrate by laughing and taking a look at Joan’s best zingers from her lengthy career.

1. On Shapewear: “My grandson is mad at me. He’s mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It’s a lot, but there’s a lot going on here.”

2. On Exercise: “I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.”

3. On Not Apologizing: “We don’t apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don’t get it, then don’t watch us.”

4. On Money: "People say money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you had enough money, you can have a key made."

5. On Chores: “I hate housework. You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later, you have to start all over again.”

6. On Her Love Life: "My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks."

7. On Skinny People: "I hate thin people; 'Oh, does the tampon make me look fat?'"

8. On Justin Bieber: “I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.”

9. On Engagement Rings: “Learn what not to expect. Irish Catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it’s garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians—the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.”

10. On Education: “Women should look good. Work on yourselves. Education? I spit on education. No man is ever going to put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.”

 

Thanks for the laughs, Joan -- you always had a knack for #realtalk!