Need Dr. Drew relationship advice but don’t have the sensationalistic drama to warrant TV time? Unfortunately, Real Live College Guy Ryan isn’t a reality show therapist. However, he can provide the lowdown on everything you’ve ever wanted to know about college males: how they think, act, speak and genuinely interact with the women in their lives.
This guy and I have been friends for almost a year. We’re very flirty, but he’s been dating his high school sweetheart for two years. However, she goes to school two hours away, and, while they still see each other occasionally, he and I hang out way more often. My friends say we act like were dating. Does it really mean anything if he makes such an effort to hang out with me? Should I talk to him about it, even though he has a girlfriend? — Friend Zone at Florida State
I’d arrange a sit-down so the two of you can chat.
You’re flirty, his girlfriend goes to school two hours away and your friends think you’re dating—and, oh yeah, you hang out a lot. Something seems off. It’s good that you’ve noticed.
There are few guys who will keep a best “girl friend” (friend who’s a girl) while their significant other goes to another school. Guys want someone whom they can be close with, but typically that “someone” is a best guy friend whom they can be rambunctious with at a bar. If it’s a girl, that typically means he either a) secretly wishes he was dating her or b) wants the same “benefits” that come with dating. Or both.
I’d be wary that he just wants a best female friend. There are guys out there who can balance having a relationship and having a close female friend, but they’re outliers—like, extreme outliers. Even then, he has typically known the best female friend since kindergarten.
Find a time where you two can sit and talk about it. You could contact the girlfriend, but that would be awkward and could start a mess that you want no part of. Ask him what he wants and how he sees you. He could lie and just say that he only wants to be friends. If you’re wary about his sincerity, be aware of his actions towards you. If you feel uncomfortable, politely tell him to tone it down.
However, if you’re looking for romance, be prepared to handle the inevitable firestorm that could happen from his breaking up with his high school sweetheart. “Messy” fails to describe the fallout that will occur. Brace yourself if you and he end up making a relationship official because the jilted former lady-friend won’t be too fond of you or the new romance.
But working under the assumption that you don’t want to date, just chat with him about his behavior. The situation itself is awkward and puts you in a bind. That doesn’t mean you can’t and shouldn’t be friends, so talking is the best route. And if you get the sense that he wants to make you girlfriend #2 and you don’t want to be that, get the hell up outta there.
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