You like to think your dating skills are pretty great or at least okay. But when you really think about it, maybe it’s best that your friends don’t listen to your dating advice.
1. Overall, you pretty much have no idea how to date or ask someone out.
How do you differentiate between hanging out and *wink*wink* hanging out?
2. Your idea of flirting is insulting someone to the point that they think you can’t stand them. When you try to be romantic, you almost always fail.
“Ugh, you’re terrible” somehow means “You’re so great—let’s hang out, like, all the time.”
3. The last person you were interested in had absolutely no idea.
You insulted him regularly and responded to his messages within 24 hours—how did he not know how much you liked him?
4. You try to send the first message on Tinder sometimes, but the only opening line you can think of is some snarky comment about how boring the match’s bio is.
You try to be original by not saying “hey,” but you don’t want to come on too strong. So instead of flirting like normal, you’re like, “Wow, you love to travel?! Never heard that one before!”
5. Dating lingo is beyond your comprehension. It’s like everyone got a free copy of Modern Dating 101 except you.
Your friend asks you if you and a guy are “talking,” and you’re like, “Um, yeah, we talk all the time?”
6. You’ve been reading “10 Signs Your Crush Likes You” articles since age 12 and still can’t identify the signs.
Eye contact? Compliments? How are any of these things different from normal daily interactions? The “does he like me” quizzes failed you all throughout middle school and high school (and okay, maybe now sometimes, too), and you feel no shame.
7. Your 14-year-old sister has been in more relationships than you have.
You can still give good advice even if you don’t have a ton of experience but…
8. You don’t know how to make small talk, so your first dates are more like interrogations.
Small talk is boring. When your date gives you boring answers, you just know the two of you could never date. Why even continue the date at this point?
9. If you don’t have anything obvious in common with the person you’re on a date with, it becomes real awkward, real fast, and you don’t know how to continue the conversation.
How do people sit in a room with someone they don’t know much about and find something to talk about? How?! And don’t even try to start a game of 20 questions, buddy.
10. You’re a strong advocate for being upfront about your feelings, but you’ve never really done such a thing.
You giving advice: “Yeah, girl, just tell him that you like him.” You in real life talking to your crush: “Wow, you are such a great friend, bro.”
11. You try to play it so cool that you seem aloof or uninterested most of the time.
You don’t want to be too obvious so when you see someone you’re interested in, instead of saying “hi” like a normal human being would, you book it in the opposite direction and avoid them.
12. You’re super skeptical when it comes to dating and love.
This can be a good thing to an extent, but your negative attitude isn’t always the most encouraging.
13. You can’t pick up signals. Ever. Someone could directly say “Hey, I’m really into you” and you’d probably think they were joking.
It’s not that you’re not confident, but why did this guy just say he likes spending time with you? What does it all mean? HE NEEDS TO SPELL IT OUT AND GIVE YOU ANSWERS. YOU DON’T PICK UP SIGNALS.
14. You have to try your hardest not to look bored when people tell you about their love lives.
It’s not that you don’t care about your friends or their relationships, because you do. But sometimes, you’re just bored by the whole “dating” thing. Your friends should know by now not to come to you for advice anyway.
15. You’re secretly happy when your friends decide not to take your dating advice because based on personal experience, you feel like it probably wouldn’t go so well for them.
But then again, if they had taken your bad advice, maybe you wouldn’t be in this situation. Oh well. At the end of the day, you’re happy for your friends, and you’re happy to help them when they want advice. You’re just not sure how helpful you’ll be.