It’s not unusual for young elementary school students to receive a pen pal from another school, or even another state, that they talk with through a few letters before ultimately disappearing from each other. As we grow older, finding people who continue to host pen pals may seem like a bizarre concept. Adults who sit and write a longhand letter use up what many consider to be a valuable commodity: time. But along with that time, depending on who they are writing too, they are also giving compassion, sympathy, and a listening ear to the person on the other side.
When I was in the second grade I wrote to a girl in Nebraska and received a response, but that was the end of our communication. Now in college, I’ve picked up having a pen pal again and this time I write to prison inmates. Whereas my hidden Nebraskan friend has become an anomaly to me, I have entertained my two current pen pals now for over a year. Our first correspondence took place before winter break in 2015, when I sent out an introductory letter and a simple photo to place face-to-name for my new friends. Now, I have a thriving relationship with both men that I am glad to call my friends.
The first question I receive when I tell people that I have prison pen pals is, “Where did you find them?” As much as I’m sure people hope for a thrilling response of questionable acquaintances and curious situations, it wasn’t that difficult to find my current writing partners. A quick Google search for “prison pen pals” prompted me to a site simply called Write a Prisoner (.com). It’s a series of profiles that can be organized and sorted through almost like a dating website. Choosing between new profiles, men or women, religion, horoscope, location, international correspondence or legal help desired. I selected ‘New Profiles’ and started sifting through the many people available.
This then often leads to the second question, “Well what made you want to write to inmates?” Why not? Who wouldn’t? There’s a chance to create an amazing connection with someone completely outside of my own context and lifestyle. They have stories to tell, experiences to share, pains that can be revealed to someone that has a new perspective to give. They may be incarcerated, but I promise they have a lot to share. How else would I still be writing to them, now over a year later, with a thriving conversation? What started with only a few pages back and forth every other week has now turned into thirty page envelopes stuffed with drawings, reading lists, articles from their classes and essays from mine. It’s a rewarding experience, and it’s completely free.
One of the author’s penpals
There is a large ignorance that comes with what people know about inmates and the legal system. A downward gaze, giving up, easy acceptance to ignore their rights, and also struggles, while in the prison system. Having a pen pal who goes through the struggle every day is a radical power. It gives every nitty gritty detail. How real inmate guard relationships work, what can be bought in commissary and for how much, new spending habits, jobs available, gang affiliations, the race division, and even lockdowns and what had to happen to cause them, which range from an attack on a guard, to a riot, to a murder. There is a freedom in correspondence for people who are incarcerated to discuss what they see and go through, and to feel less alone during the process. It’s hard for the free world to remember that these are people, genuine, breathing, dream oriented, people.
I’m often asked, based off of this ignorance, “Aren’t you worried about your safety?” My honest answer? No, I’m not. It may have been because I started with a University address so while that limits where I am in the world, it still leaves a bit of work to dig me out of an entire school population. But now that we’ve been talking for so long and I’ve learned so much about who these men are as people, I’m not worried about my safety at all.
One penpal, currently 32, was arrested at 19 and is serving a life sentence. He is a family man with a soon to be teenage daughter that he loves the most out of everything in the world. He tells me all about how great she does in school and how proud he is. He tells me about his family, mother and sisters, their accomplishments and goals for the future. We discuss classes he’s taking related to parenting, art, and an effort to get his GED. Through all of that, he also trusts me with the stories of his childhood, his hardships, and how he ended up where he is now. But he still has dreams and aspirations. He’s always wanted to own a restaurant – a pizzeria – because he’s a fantastic cook. He’ll teach me Spanish, and in return I teach him French.
My second penpal, early thirties, was also arrested at a young age and is serving forty years. He’s very positive about his situation and does the best he can to make his life easier. He has three jobs inside his prison, teaches an art class, and is active in politics and philosophy. Many of our pages are spent discussing the current political climate of the country, and asking personal opinions on religion and social movements. He shares his Filipino culture with me and we also discuss TV shows.
Artwork by one of the author’s penpals
At the end of the day there is nothing more exciting than receiving a new letter in the mail to read through and respond to. I find my time to be relaxing and enjoyable when I share aspects of my life with them and in return listen to what they have to say. Work, school, friends, family, adventures; it’s all a getaway for whomever is on the other side of the stamped envelope. To learn, to cherish, and for me, to gain a new understanding on who society puts behind the barbed wire is a great experience to have.