Let’s face it, criticism is not the easiest thing to hear in general, but when it is an insult on our looks, our physicality, or our style, it is downright hurtful.
To share a personal experience of mine, very recently, a person whom I am very close to insulted me about my overall appearance. This hurt me greatly because I love this person and hold their opinion in high regard. However, even though I realize that the person was not trying to hurt my feelings, the comments were insensitive, and they hurt for a very long time. The words still ring in my ears when I see this person.
Though it is a fact that criticism is a part of life, it still hurts. Here are some things to consider if you are thinking of talking to someone about their appearance or if you have been talked down to and made to feel bad about the way you express yourself.
If you are the one being criticized:
- Feel your emotions: If you try to ignore the hurt, it will only fester and your relationship with your friend/loved one will be affected in the long-term. Even if you do it in private, let your feelings out. Rant. Journal. Phone a friend. Do whatever you need to do to let your feelings be felt.
- Consider where they are coming from: Did they criticize you out of spite? Concern? Did they think that they were helping you? Be willing to see it from their side. They may not have meant to hurt you, but that doesn’t mean that they get a free pass from hurting your feelings.
- Remember that their words are just their opinion: There are hundreds of thousands of people with opinions in the world. Only you can decide if those opinions matter or not. Don’t let other people decide your self-confidence.
- Consider how they were raised: If they are significantly older than you, then they were likely raised with a different mindset on appropriateness. Be respectful, but don’t let them bully you into agreeing with them.
If you are thinking of commenting on someone else’s appearance:
- Think of the golden rule: If you would feel offended by someone commenting on your physical appearance, then maybe you should reconsider.
- Consider your phrasing: If you really must say something, be sure to phrase it kindly. Do not use negative, or judgmental names like those relating to weight, cleanliness, or perceived sexuality.
- Consider their viewpoint: If they are from a different generation than you, they will have a different concept of appropriateness and style. You need to respect that times change. Also, know when someone may be experimenting with style. No style is permanent, and it is ever-evolving. For example: If someone has just lost a ton of weight and is showing more skin because they are proud of what they have accomplished, do not assume that it is because of desire for sexual attention. We must allow people to make mistakes and correct them on their own.
4.Finally, remember that you do not have the final say on someone else’s appearance.
All in all, appearance is a sensitive topic, and it should be given the respect it deserves. At the end of the day, just be kind to one another. It will help us all feel better about ourselves in the long-run.
Stay Confident, Ladies!
Image Sources:
https://imgflip.com/memetemplate/96446119/Scolding-retro-mom
http://metro.co.uk/2015/07/31/9-reasons-you-should-love-your-body-5318996/