Sure, we love our pets. We love our favorite pairs of shoes. We love our go-to coffee shop orders. We even love our hairdressers for the magic they work after a seemingly never-ending slew of bad hair days. But, when it comes to relationships, saying those three small words doesn’t always happen so easily.
“I love you.” Some throw the eight-letter expression around like confetti, while others refuse to say it at all. Most of us stand somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. Even if we do love our partners, telling them can be tricky, and waiting for them to say it first really tests our patience.
Is it too soon? Is it too much? What will my partner think? Does he or she feel the same way? Will he or she say it back? Will I look too attached? Too clingy? Too needy? Too emotional? Too crazy?
It’s one of those relationship clichés that we tend to overthink. While Lauren Conrad’s famous words bounce back and forth in our scrambled minds—“love isn’t a maybe thing; you know when you love someone”—we can’t help but think that actually uttering the phrase out loud isn’t a black-or-white situation.
Truth be told, the phrase isn’t as important as we make it out to be. At the end of the day, a simple sentence won’t define a relationship, even if we are secretly (or not-so-secretly) dying to say it or hear it.
Love is the longest-running game of show-and-tell in the world. All too often, without us even realizing, our significant others show us signs of affection way before they tell us—and we tend to do the same thing.
In reality, “I love you” is more than words. It takes many forms. It’s a home-cooked meal. It’s spending the night at home together because there’s no one else you’d rather be with. It’s bringing each other a special treat or a bottle of wine after a stressful day. It’s a quick “wish you were here”, “good luck on your exam” or “let me know you made it home safely” text.
Love is easy. It’s messy and it’s spontaneous, but that’s what makes it so fun.
It’s loyalty. It’s respect. It’s consideration. It’s reassurance. It’s physical. It’s emotional.
It’s holding yourself accountable when you make a mistake, then it’s putting in the effort to make everything better. It’s worth fighting for. It’s present even when life gets tough. It’s present when you’re angry, and it’s present when your partner is angry. It’s present when you are not in each other’s company, no matter how much time you spend apart.
It’s unconditional. It exists without modifiers. It exists without if’s, and’s or but’s. It never asks for reciprocation. It’s selfless.
It’s real. It grows. And although it’s wonderful, it doesn’t always feel like a fairytale.
Sometimes it looks ugly on the outside. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes it feels like work. Sometimes it’s jealousy. Sometimes it’s vulnerability. Sometimes it’s missing someone. Sometimes it’s wondering if he or she misses you in return. Sometimes it’s hour after hour spent arguing on the phone because you’re both being too stubborn. Sometimes it’s fighting. Sometimes it’s yelling. Sometimes it’s silence.
Every relationship is different, especially when it comes to how you express love to each other. Even when it comes to saying “I love you” there are no universal rules other than that you do right by your partner. Love is a verb. Love is an act. You don’t always have to say it, but you should always show it.