Domestic Violence, the topic that makes people extremely uncomfortable, but unfortunately more common than people may think.
To explain, the abuse happens in a cycle of three phases: tension, violence, and honeymoon.
First it starts with the tension building phase. The tension builds over small matters like money, job, kids, the way food is cooked, the lack of milk in the refrigerator, etc. The victim tries pleasing the abuser by either giving or completely avoiding the abuser. This is where verbal and emotional violence is escalated leading to….
Physical violence, where the abuser’s emotional state is out of control and the physical and sometimes sexual violence occurs. This is completely beyond the victim’s control, leading towards violence inflicted on the victim.
Lastly, the honeymoon phase. The abuser feels ashamed for their behavior, expressing remorse and promising to never do it again. Sometimes, the abuser blames it on the victim while still expressing their shame, contorting the victim’s views of abuse and causing them to blame themselves. This last phase is what makes it hard for the victim to leave their abuser, eventually going back to the first phase of tension building and starting the cycle over again.
Now, one may think, this is the only scenario for domestic violence, right? Usually when people think of domestic violence, they think violence in heterosexual relationships. The scenario is often the male abusing the female in the typical cycle abuse; husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, heterosexual couples fighting? Unfortunately, domestic violence isn’t that picky and this exact cycle can happen in any domestic (familial) relationship including: brother, sister, mother, father, grandmother, uncle, etc.
Hence, domestic violence is more common than people realize. According NCADV.org, National Coalition against Domestic Violence, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States, equating to more than 10 million women and men.
Although it is an uncomfortable, sensitive topic, it needs to be talked about normally. How people want to talk about it of course depends on the individual, but by talking about this subject amongst our friends, family, and on campus, people have a better grasp of how to handle these situations.
As a victim of domestic abuse myself, I am very comfortable generally talking about my abuse because I understand that it happened to me and I became a stronger person from overcoming it. Sharing my story empowers me and other people who have and are going through it, encouraging victims to come out, get help, and heal.
For more information on Domestic Violence, you can contact Theresa Bivaletz, the Campus Victims Coordinator at the Women’s Center in University Commons. You can reach her at 973.720.2578 or email her at bivaletzt@wpunj.edu.