You might be the person who is in a relationship with someone in your hometown while you’re off to school in another state. Or, maybe you’re the person that has been in a relationship with someone for years and now it’s time for one of you, or both of you, to attend a university away from home. You could even be the person that has to temporarily experience a long distance relationship because your significant other will be traveling out of town for the summer. Or perhaps you’re the person that is currently contemplating if you should be with someone or not because distance would separate you two.
No matter what your specific situation is, if you are dealing with distance in your relationship then it can be extremely difficult to uphold. I, myself, can agree to this statement because I am currently in a long distance relationship (LDR). I’ll be honest, it can really suck. Now let me completely honest…it does really suck! Days, weeks, months apart from my boyfriend feel like forever and I struggle with not having him around. It gets lonely. However, this loneliness is nothing compared to the loneliness I would feel living my life without him. During the times that I am able to be around my boyfriend, it is simply amazing. Because of this, I decided to do whatever I can to get through the suckiness. In the back of my mind, I keep the amazing times when we do get to be together as motivation.
Most people in LDRs feel this way because they know the wait will be worth it. If you are in one and you don’t feel that way, this is the first red flag. Chances are that you shouldn’t be in that relationship. Not only is this unhealthy for you, but it is unfair to your partner. LDRs take a lot of work, time and energy, and all of that needs to come from both people, otherwise it will fall apart.
LDRs can be a pain in the butt because they are so difficult, but the challenges you overcome as a couple most definitely strengthens the relationship you share and as the relationship strengthens, the love that exists only intensifies. This, my friend, is why LDRs are special. If your relationship can get through distance, it can get through just about anything.
Now don’t forget what I said. Yes, its lovely knowing that you and your partner are equally battling the atrocious obstacle of being miles apart just so that you can continue to build an un-dying love forever and ever! But, remember… lots and lots of hard work is involved in a LDR.
Currently, I have been in a LDR for about ten months now. I go to school in Kalamazoo, Michigan and my boyfriend lives by my hometown in the northwest suburbs of Illinois. While ten months may not seem like a very long time to some of you, it has felt like twice that amount of time because of the distance. Give us some credit; we are a couple of months away from being together for a year! And, I would like to point out that only about a month of our relationship was not through long distance! Yikes, I know.
Anyway, before I met this man of my dreams, I had quite a bit of experience with other LDRs in my past. That being said, I have a pretty good idea on what doesn’t work in a LDR, and what does. This week I will go over my favorite tips while in a LDR. This tip is one that you have probably heard before, but I’ll show you with my own experience, why they work. As I continue my relationship, I will keep giving the advice that I know works. What if my boyfriend and I break up you ask? Easy question to answer… we won’t.
Tip Number One: TRUST, TRUST, and more TRUST.
First and foremost, before you do anything in your relationship, you must establish trust. This is not only the number one rule for a LDR, but the number one rule for any relationship. You all know this, or should. A relationship cannot and will not work without trust. Lack of trust can lead to fights, extreme jealousy, over-thinking and assumptions. Since you will have no idea what your significant other is doing while they are away from you, you have to trust that they are not doing anything harmful to your relationship. Most importantly, you have to be able to trust the things that your partner tells you.
I know, I know… easier said than done. Trust me, out of all the people that would understand this, it is definitely me. Aside from a few nice guys, most of the guys I dated in my past either lied to me, cheated on me, or both. While these guys all taught me how to become a better detective when it comes to sniffing out fabrication, they also left me with unresolved trust issues which unfortunately made it extremely difficult for me to be in the relationships that followed. I questioned everything that I was told and never believed anything until I could measure it out myself. Most of these relationships ended anyway because I found out about a lie or another girl. But I couldn’t tell if I drove them crazy with my insecurities, causing them to find happiness in another person, or if I just have a horrible taste in guys who don’t believe in the truth and monogamy. Either way, those relationships ended and either way they taught me something. I realized that I needed to let go so I could trust again.
Again, easier said than done. I had a hard time letting myself trust guys. Now if you are anything like me and this story sounds familiar or similar, don’t you worry. When I met my boyfriend that I am currently dating from a different state, I hadn’t fully learned to trust again. In fact, I’m not really sure if all my trust issues have completely gone away. I was lucky enough to find a man that could work through this problem with me, and help me get over my trust issues instead of make me feel crappier about them. Yes, there are guys like this out there!
I still over-think once in a while, and I still get uneasy when my man is out with his friends at a bar. But my boyfriend trusts me, which makes it easier for me to believe that I should trust him. Don’t believe me? Think of a time you accused someone of doing something when you didn’t really have all the information. Now think about if you did something that they didn’t know about, that was similar to what you were accusing them of. Guilty Conscience. It is very common. Most the time people accuse their partner of something if they are in fact the ones doing that very thing, or something similar, on the other side. This is especially common with guys. So if your man isn’t really doing this, than chances are he is being loyal, and you need to calm yourself!
There are other ways to tell if your partner is telling you the truth, but you can never be completely sure. This is why it is so important to trust in your relationship unless you know for a fact that they aren’t telling the truth. If you find yourself doubting too much, you might want to think if that relationship is best for you. Doubting your partner or the relationship can really mess with your head, not to mention the fact that it will annoy the heck out of the other person. If there is nothing to be worried about and you’re being paranoid anyways, you can ruin your relationship. You might ask, well what if you’re worrying and you have a reason to worry? This is where I am a pro.
If you honestly feel like something is wrong, usually that means something really is wrong. Trust your gut feeling, but don’t go looking for things to be wrong, this will just drive you nuts-o. If something is meant to come between you and your partner, it eventually will. But until that happens and you know, not think, that enough is enough, enjoy yourself and enjoy your lover. If you aren’t enjoying yourself, then honey, its beeeen time to go!
Point is, when you are in a long distance relationship, you can never know for sure what is going on in your partners’ life. This is something you have to come to terms with before you try going the distance. If you really love that person, you need to learn to trust them. After trust exists in a relationship, it gets a lot easier from there! And when the relationship gets hard again, the trust that exists will make it possible for you and your partner to work through a problem, get back on track, and realize why you are in the relationship to begin with. Trust is like the milk to cookies. Yea, you can have cookies without milk, just the way you can have a relationship without trust…but it just won’t be as good!