Fall leaves, sweater weather, pumpkin patches, yada, yada, yada… Ladies, snap out of it and get your priorities straight! Football (and maybe apple crisp, too) is *obviously* the single most important thing of fall. If you’re an NFL fan, college football fan, or, really, just a decent human being, you should be able to relate to the following things.
1. Your life has once again regained its purpose on Mondays, Thursdays, Saturdays, and Sundays.
Who in the world cares about Monday Bachelor/Bachelorette nights? Monday nights are for football — and football only. Anyone who says otherwise obviously needs to reevaluate their life.
Gronk gets it
2. You have all the excuses to stuff your face in all the chips and dips you can get your hands on.
If you can’t agree that buffalo chicken dip and tortilla chips are the best things ever, I hope you’re vegetarian or vegan. Even then, I hope you like French onion dip.
Feel free to celebrate like Emmanuel Sanders if you want to
3. You get to wear your jerseys everywhere without someone reminding you that it’s offseason
Best part of it all? Your Monday people don’t have to know that you’re going to wear the same jersey on Thursday. College is great.
Rivers knows
4. Your Instagram feed has come back to life.
If you still aren’t aware of the fact that J.J. Watt is out for the season, please do yourself a favor and go follow @nfl or @espnnfl on Instagram. Thank me later.
Just so you’re in the loop when the Patriots go to the Super Bowl. No I’m not biased… *nervous laugh*
5. You don’t have to worry about separating colors when you do your laundry
I mean, why would you have to sort your laundry if they are all of your team’s colors? Eh, I guess you have to separate the away jerseys from the home jerseys and the color rush jerseys.
Even J.J. motions that you don’t have to
6. You can finally get practice for your debate skills.
Are you an aspiring lawyer? I heard debating about the best QB in the NFL is a pretty good practice for law school.
LOL remind me who won THAT battle?
But…
7. You get nervous when you can’t find NBC, CBS, FOX, or ABC on your TV.
Or when they play Monday and Thursday night football on NFL Network and ESPN… Not everyone has cable, and some of us still get channels by using an antenna, okay?
Maybe Eli doesn’t have cable either, who knows?
8. and sometimes your friends will threaten to fight you.
“Shut up! You talk about football too much!” Oh sorry, my mom told me growing up that I should be an inspiration to the world!
Fight, fight, fight!
9. You will get miserably upset for at least one weekend.
Why you gotta do this to us, Bye Week?
Aaron Rodgers understands
So forget about Pumpkin Spice Lattes; they’re gross anyway. Ball is life.
I mean, turn down for Watt?