Are you someone whose tongue gets twisted as soon as you start talking to your crush? Are you someone who is looking for love but is too afraid to make the first move? Come on, it’s 2016— a girl can make the first move (#GirlPower)! As a self-proclaimed pundit of making the first move, I clearly know what I’m doing. Follow this step-by-step guide, and I promise, you won’t be bawling inside when your annoying relatives badger you about your love life next Thanksgiving.
1. Stalk him on every possible social media outlet. The creepier the better, duh!
Find out what his favorite football team and football player is. Then, invest in his jersey and wear it all the time. That way you won’t run out of things to talk about next time you run into him. While you’re at it, also check out his zodiac sign just to make sure you guys are compatible.
2. Just in case, do one of those Facebook quizzes to make sure he is, in fact, your soul mate.
Facebook is basically a psychic. Remember how well it predicted that the world was going to end in 2012? So obviously, Facebook is going to tell you that he is your future husband. Well, isn’t the next step just so easy? All you have to do is to share the post and tag him in it. He’ll get the hint.
3. Tweet a selfie at him everyday. Make sure you do it everyday, though, or else it won’t work.
If that’s too forward for you, you can just slide into his DMs. Alternate option: you can Snapchat him. If he opens it, but doesn’t respond, he’s clearly interested— he’s just playing hard to get. Ugh, guys suck sometimes.
4. Get your friends together and organize a flash mob.
Perform it in his biggest lecture. Also, make sure you document it. Just in case he misses class that day, or that he just wants to re-live that moment. It worked for Justin Timberlake in Friends with Benefits, I don’t see why it wouldn’t work for you.
5. If you make eye contact with him on the street, start a staring contest.
If he decides that he wants to turn around, make sure you chase him down— he just wants to transform this staring contest into a race. A little cardio never hurts any body. Am I right, ladies?
6. Figure out his schedule, and wait for him outside his classroom every day.7. Make sure you have a bouquet and your engagement ring ready.
You never know when he’s going to pop the question. Also, make sure it’s a different kind of flower every day. Got to spice things up to keep things interesting, you feel
8. Steal his notebook. Make a flip book animation with the last page ending with “I LOVE YOU” (yes, bolded).
You have already shown off your dancing skills and athletic ability, might as well show him that you’re also artistic. Who doesn’t love an artistic girl? Make sure you also glue a different chocolate bar to each page. That boy needs some sweetness in his life.
There you have it! Any guy would be impressed with legendary moves like yours. Have a love-filled day, and may the odds be in your favor, you smooth criminal!