Gone are the days of men who come to your doorstep to ask your father if they can take you out. Instead, people from our generation tend to all-but shrivel at the idea of intimacy and, god forbid, going on a date that is not “Netflix and chill”. Enter Tinder.
Using Tinder is very common for college students, as it is a very easy way to talk to new people at any time (in class, on the bus, at the SERF, etc). Not all guys are the same on Tinder, but there are several underlying core personality traits they share. Below is a comprehensive guide of the types of Tinder guys you’ll meet.
1. The Man-Boy
Though this type of guy can be found anywhere, they are especially prevalent on Tinder. He is likely to be in a frat and is in favor of jerseys, bro tanks and constant partying (God forbid he should have a normal night in). He is incapable of any real feelings or deep conversations. The only thing he is capable of is texting you “Hey, wanna come over?” and saving empty alcohol bottles like they have sentimental meaning.
2. The Guy With No Chill
ABORT MISSION. Don’t even go there. The guy with no chill is relentless and will blow up your phone with “hello, are you there?”, “why aren’t you responding?” and “can we please hang out?” messages. Not worth it. Politely declining the guy with no chill leads nowhere, as he will incessantly try to make it work with you even though you likely only knew each other for a week, if that. He may even tell you he loves you within two days. Run away. Don’t look back.
3. The “Send Me Nudes” Guy
He probably has a shirtless mirror picture on his profile, if not several. He proclaims his adoration for the gym and looks up to Pauly D and Mike “The Situation” from Jersey Shore as role models. His bio will also likely have phrases such as “If you’re not dtf, swipe left”, “Don’t take this app seriously”, and “On here for a good time.” The second the two of you match he will ask for your snapchat and proceed to ask you for a shirtless picture from the get-go. When declined, he will continue to pressure you until you have no choice but to, quite literally, delete him from your life. Newsflash: Girls are not sex objects. We are not our bodies. We have bodies, but we also have feelings and standards. If you don’t match them, we will not hesitate for a second to snap our fingers and blast Jay-Z’s “On to the Next One”. Bye, Felicia.
4. The “Ready for Marriage” Guy
At first glimpse of his profile, you think that he is a low-key, calm and collected individual who you might consider starting relations with. Honey, were you wrong. He will eagerly message you “Hey! How are you, you’re so gorgeous!”, and you will feel giggly and excited. You will think “what a sweetie”. Maybe. But there is a fine line between a “sweet guy” and one who immediately proceeds to beg you to move to the city he lives in, get married and start a family. Listen up Ken, I’m not your Barbie. Please reevaluate your life, and get some help.
5. The “I’m Not Like Every Other Guy” Guy
Yes, he is. If he weren’t, he would not need his own commercial. The genuinely caring guys do not need to self-advertise. They radiate sincerity instead. He will tell you that he wants more than just a fling or a friend with benefits but, again, if that were the case he would not have to say the “I’m not like every other guy” phrase. Saying that he is not like every other guy implies that he knows what characteristics said guys possess to a T. He is that guy. You don’t need that in your life. Unmatch him stat.
6. The Vampire
Unless you’re aggressively into Edward Cullen and have a strong aversion to Maroon 5’s “Daylight” song, you do not want to be swept into the vampire’s dark lair. The Vampire comes alive precisely after ten PM and will send you a standard “what’s up?” text and ask you to come over to said lair. His idea of a date is “Netflix and Chill” and he is only searching for a bed buddy for his coffin.
7. The Guy Who “Accidentally Matched You” After You Turn Him Down
He asks you to have sex with him. You say no. He then proceeds to send you a novel-length message saying “Well, I only matched with you on accident. I definitely didn’t mean to swipe right. You’re fat and ugly.” Wow, Okay. He definitely did not think that when he asked to have sex with you just two minutes ago. Goodbye douchebag. Carrying on, now.
8. Strings You Along Guy
You match. You talk about everything and anything. The conversations are significant and your brain actually engages in a positive way when the two of you are talking. There are no signs that he is a player. This is a guy on Tinder who you actually meet. You two go on one or more dates. You think you are entering relationship territory, or will, at any time. Not so fast. One day he will tell you that he is not ready for a relationship. He cannot handle commitment. He will then suggest the “friends with benefits” option. When you suggest simply being friends without the benefits option he will flat-out stop talking to you altogether. It hurts tremendously. The worst part is that with the “Strings You Along” Tinder guy it is very difficult, if not impossible, to see the heartbreak coming. Proceed with caution.
9.The Good Guy (Finally)
Though Tinder does have innumerable swipe left and unmatch-worthy guys, there is a possibility of matching with a good guy. Refer to number five. This is the guy who radiates sincerity. He is kind. He is genuinely interested in you as a human being. He wants to get to know you. Letting him in is not a mistake. One of my greatest friends met her boyfriend on Tinder and they have been going strong for nearly five months. Apparently anything is possible.
There is nothing wrong with being on Tinder and having a healthy sex life, but do so at your own risk. Just keep this guide in mind and know what you are getting yourself into!