-
Oh hell no, we are not going to start and end this movie with commentary from the gaggle of 50 year old mothers that just arrived… drunk.
-
WTF is up with those pigtails.
-
How does Ana have a 4.0, but isn’t sitting with the Valedictorians?
-
My reaction if a man ever said “laters, baby” to me:
-
Have you ever said, “double crap”?
-
It’s so comforting to know that all you need to cure a hangover is a cup of water before bed and a glass of orange juice in the morning!!
-
We love the stereotypes! The only latino says, “dios mio” about 50 times throughout the novel.
-
At no point did Ana question the fact that Christian somehow broke into her apartment.
-
Please Ana, come to dinner at my mothers where you can engage in polite conversation with my family while stick my hand up your skirt.
-
And apparently going bra-less is proper attire for dining with your billionaire-boyfriend’s family.
-
I too have a large circular mirror above my bed
-
Was anyone else extremely upset that they didn’t eat what was probably extremely delicious sushi and just left it sitting on the table?
-
Christian, you never explained what a butt plug was. I think we’d all like to know.
-
So he can buy her a new car and laptop, but yet somehow Ana’s still rocking the flip phone.
-
If you have a Mac, you have texting. Stop with the emailing nonsense.
-
On behalf of girls everywhere, we will drink as many cosmos as we damn well please.
-
There is probably a better setting to have a discussion about a sex contract than on the stage during your college graduation.
-
Sorry Dad, can’t celebrate with you after graduation. I have to go get spanked by my boyfriend.
-
Do you have to moan every time he touches your face?
-
Kate really dropped the ball on the best friend duties. If my virgin roommate spent the night with an attractive billionaire and came back wearing different clothes, I think I’d have a few questions.
-
If you engage in bondage sex with your sadist lover, you lose the right to call your mother “Mama.”
-
I wanted more Rita Ora
-
and more of hot chauffeur Taylor
-
and more elevator make out sessions.
-
I don’t even want to know what the deal is with the hair braiding
-
Asks for pencil. Doesn’t write with pencil. Instead uses pencil as sucker for remainder of movie.
-
So she has to go to a gynecologist of his choosing, but home-boy can’t make a quick run to the local clinic to ensure those fifteen women haven’t left him with a little surprise?
-
Dear middle-aged couple sitting next to me, your quoting the seductive lines from the movie to each other is not helping.
-
“All of the songs you play are sad.” How strange, given what a jolly, go-lucky person he is.
-
It’s starting to irk me how often he’s confusing her with a horse.
-
This movie has tarnished the innocence of the phrase “play room.”
-
I don’t understand the bed made of leather. I thought this was supposed to be a room of pleasure, not a room of chafing.
-
“I eye Christian’s toothbrush. It would be like having him in my mouth. Hmm…” BACTERIA
-
And can someone please explain why the bed’s made of leather but the walls are quilted?
-
Christian, in what world did you think it a good idea to tell your girlfriend your having dinner with the woman who sexually manipulated as a child and turned you into the sadist you are today?
-
“I’m all deer/headlights, moth/flame, bird/snake … and he knows exactly what he’s doing to me.” This sentence has to be a misprint, right?
-
Don’t worry about it.” Yeah, that response always makes a girl feel better.
-
Red flag #647: When you don’t answer your boyfriend’s phone call, he flies across the country to yell at you.
-
The most in-depth EL James gets is this weird AF description: “And from a very tiny, underused part of my brain – probably located at the base of my medulla oblongata near where my subconscious dwells – comes the thought: He’s here to see you.”
-
“The orange juice tastes divine. It’s thirst-quenching and refreshing.” Great advertisement for Tropicana!
-
Since when does having four husbands make you a hopeless romantic, Mama Steele?
-
WHY DO WE HAVE A FULL-FRONTAL OF ANA, BUT WE’RE MISSING ALL OF CHRISTIAN’S GOODS?!
-
It’s been over a week, and I’m still wondering how Ana’s wrists magically untied from the bed post.
-
Lol. If my roommate ever kissed my head…
45. *Makes mental note to call mother and thank her for loving and nurturing me as a child, as Christian so obviously wasn’t*
46. Nope, definitely not a fan of this whipping thing.
47. STOP, CAN’T YOU SEE SHE’S CRYING!?!?
48. In a span of twenty minutes, you whipped your girlfriend and then said, “No” when she told you she loved you. Classy.
49. This movie (and book) gave an entirely new meaning to “cliff-hanger”
50. I now feel empty and sad, and must immediately go home and watch The Notebook so I can be reminded of what real love is.