Before I was in college, I embraced the word ‘single’. I had random hook-ups and used “hook-up apps” and would slide into boys’ DM’s and flirt like it was my job.
But now that I’m in college, I have a boyfriend. I don’t like to have random and casual hookups like I once did; I like to know who I’m going home with at the end of the night and I like to know that I don’t have to put on a fake smile and mascara.
However, I don’t judge my friends who do like to just hookup. It’s completely normal to have multiple partners in college and to be single–if anything, I’m the opposite of the norm by having a boyfriend…but I don’t mind being out of the norm, just like some of my friends don’t mind being in the norm, and not having a boyfriend.
Yet, there are some of my friends who do mind not having a boyfriend–which is also totally normal and understandable. But what’s not understandable to me is why they continue to use “hook-up apps” if they don’t want “just a hook-up”.
Obviously I can’t judge any one girls’ situation: there could be unique circumstances in everyone’s lives that make it hard for them to meet people. But, for the girl’s that don’t have anything stopping them--what is stopping them, exactly?
Maybe it’s just me, but I just can’t seem to fully wrap my head around people who use dating apps for more than just hooking up when they’re in college…when they’re surrounded by girls and boys who are looking for the same things they are. When there are people in their majors who like the same things they do. When there are people in their organization’s who are passionate about the same things and want the same things in life.
This is probably the last time in our lives that we’ll have access to this many people to date. Sure, you can argue that we’ll have co-workers in the future, but there are many, many businesses and companies who argue against workplace relationships–and even if the company isn’t against those relationships, you might be. How awkward would that be to break up and be in the cubicle next to each other? It’s much easier to have an awkward encounter on campus for a split second rather than an entire 9-5 workday in an office.
I see thousands of articles being shared on Facebook and Twitter about girls wishing that there were guys who were still chivalrous and who would take you out on real dates–but how do you expect to find that guy through an app?
Do you really think they have a 50’s style way of dating if they’re choosing girls by swiping right and asking girls out via a phone?
Again, maybe I have no right to judge because I am in a relationship and I haven’t used a dating app or have been in the dating game for a long time. But, I am a girl who stopped using that dating app and had the opportunity to meet her boyfriend in person, in college, on campus. And, I know you can too.
I think the main reason using Tinder or Bumble is so crazy to me is because we’re all such beautiful people–we don’t need to choose 4 or 5 of our best photos to promote ourselves because every photo we take is beautiful. We shouldn’t be picky and choose guys based on what they look like, because doesn’t that go against everything we’ve ever said about inner beauty? Yeah a hot bod is always a plus, but you don’t want to let the person you’re supposed to be with get away, all because they didn’t have the right amount of scruff on their face, do you?
Collegeitte, you are SO much better than using a dating app to find someone.
Just step outside of your room and start looking at all of the wonderful people looking back at you in awe because of how great you are! Sure, it might be easier to sort through the guys by swiping left and right–just like it is easier to online shop–but good relationships (and good outfits) take effort! You’re in college and have hundreds, if not thousands, of people on campus waiting to meet you.
If you don’t like to party, meet someone in the caf or on the quad. If you’re major is primarily the gender you don’t want to date, join an organization you’re interested in. If you go home every weekend, stay and join in on the fun. It’s not that hard–if anything, I think it’s harder to find someone through a phone.
Take a deep breath and grace your real life prescence in the world. Smile at that cutie in line behind you at Starbucks, ask for a number with confidence and just be the awesome, bad a** chick you know you are! Nothing is more exciting or special than forming a connection in person. So, maybe consider deleting the app and walking up to someone and ask if you can sit with them. Afterall, that’s more bold than sending some cheesy, horny pickup line.
I’m not saying that you can’t meet someone seriously through an app or a dating website–there are tons of people who have success stories–but, what I am saying is to take a leap of faith and trust in your social skills. Just give it a try.
You’re amazing, Collegiette, and no photo or caption or chat line (or significant other!) can do you that justice.