Trigger Warning: Mentions of R*pe, Child Ab*se, S*xual Ab*se, S*xual Assault
Photo by Dakota Corbin on Unsplash
*The topic I want to talk about in this article is extremely triggering and difficult to read and discuss for anybody that is a survivor of sexual assault.*
I’m sure many of you have seen the growing number of headlines about sexual assault. Accusations have been made against many well-known people including Harvey Weinstein, James Franco, Roy Moore, Louis C.K., Aziz Ansari, Melanie Martinez and countless other people, including our president Donald Trump.
Over the past few months, I’ve been silent on this issue. Only retweeting or favoriting a few things here or there.
Not anymore.
I want to talk about sexual assault. Why? Because I’ve been sexually assaulted. Multiple times.
Nothing makes my blood boil like seeing people come to the defense of these perpetrators with statements like, “But, they’re such a good person! They would never do that!” Or worse– blaming the victim with questions and statements like, “Why didn’t they come forward sooner? What were they wearing? Were they drinking? They were probably asking for it!”
I was not “asking for it” when I was three years old and a trusted mentor took advantage of me.
I was not “asking for it” when I was six and my best friend assaulted me at recess.
I was not “asking for it” when I was eight and a group of boys held me down on the playground and abused me.
There is no such thing as “asking for it”. There is consent and there is a lack of consent. And just because someone doesn’t say “no” does not mean “yes”.
Consent is freely, enthusiastically, and continuously given and it can be revoked at any time. BTW someone’s clothes or beer cannot speak. Therefore, what someone is wearing or how much they are drinking is NEVER an invitation to assault or abuse someone. Ever.
People still wonder why survivors don’t come forward sooner, but have they forgotten that our society has shamed us into silence? When we speak out, we are risking our reputations, our friendships, our futures, and our safety. Meanwhile, our assailants are free to go on living happy, normal lives! They might even end up in the Oval Office! Who knows, right?
When I was eight, those boys who hurt me were given at maximum a two week suspension. But here I am over a decade later still suffering from nightmares, panic attacks, and other symptoms of PTSD.
Throughout my life, I have been told to shut up about my traumas. I have been told that it is easier to be silent than to call out my abusers. This society that perpetuates rape culture has shamed me, mocked me, and silenced me.
Not anymore.
For the first time in my life, I have begun the long and painful process of healing. Over these past few months, I started counseling, I started taking antidepressants, and, most importantly, I finally started opening up about my traumas. For so long, I have been angry in silence, but I realized that being silent helps nobody and only hurts myself. I’ve been bottling everything up and slowly cracking from the inside.
Not anymore.
To any survivors,
You are not to blame. You should not feel ashamed. You are valued. You are loved. And you are not alone. I know how hard it can be to truly believe and internalize these statements. I struggle with them every single day, but I am slowly beginning to believe and love myself again. I encourage you to talk to someone: a parent, a friend, a doctor, a counselor, or a trusted teacher or mentor. Trust me, I know just how terrifying this seemingly simple act can be, but it is worth it. You have a voice, and there are so many people who want to listen and who want to help.
Most college campuses offer counseling. If you’re lucky enough to be a Winthrop student, we have free counseling offered through the Health and Counseling Center. We also have an amazing Office of Victims Assistance (OVA) that supports any and all survivors.
Winthrop Health and Counseling Center/OVA : 803-323-2206
National Rape Crisis Hotline 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255
The RAINN website is also a great resource for more information or help regarding sexual assault.