Penises. We’re all aware of them, we know they exist, but even if you have one hanging between your legs, you may not completely understand it. If you don’t know what the heck to do with one when it comes to sex, they freak you out in general, or you’re just curious about this particular set of genitals, then look no further! I’m no expert on these sometimes very confusing body parts, but I have learned a few things about them that have made things a little easier.
1. Know the parts and what you’re actually working with
It’s not a stretch to say that high school health class sometimes doesn’t cut it when it comes to learning about our own anatomy and what the other sex has rocking within the confines of their pants. What I know, I learned from books and my mother, who is conveniently a nurse. As a result, many people do not fully understand the allusive mystery of a penis. A lot of what we see before we’re confronted with the real thing, are crudely drawn dicks on every surface guys have access to with a Sharpie (I never understood this habit). So, let’s break it down in the simplest terms: a) The lead actor: the penis. Many who have one treat it like their most prized possession, but don’t really know what to do with it (we’ll get to that later). Basically, this is what takes care of basic functions – peeing (the urethral opening is the hole at the end of the head) and ejaculating. b) The supporting cast: the testicles, which are protected and temperature regulated by the scrotum. These are the delicate duo that produce sperm and testosterone, leaving many men perpetually overprotective of them (for good reason, they can get damaged fairly easily). These are equally as important as the penis for the overall function of all things sexual. c) The overlooked talent during awards ceremonies: the prostate. Dudes who have this very important gland often don’t understand its important purpose, or realise that it’s even there. It’s located just below the bladder, and one of the main functions of it is to secrete prostate fluid (a component of semen). The prostate muscles are what help propel seminal fluid to the urethra during ejaculation. Though many are wary of this, the prostate is also looked at as the “male g-spot” and can prove to be very pleasurable when properly stimulated.
2. Remember, all penises are different
Penises, like vaginas, are all different. Some have foreskin, some are circumcised. Either way, they’re all wonderfully unique. It’s worthy to note though, that different “techniques”, shall we say, work differently depending on what you’re dealing with. For instance, the foreskin on the head of a peen is incredibly sensitive. Use this to your advantage, and stimulate it if you’re in the process of getting frisky. The frenulum, is the little area right below the head that is more easily visible on someone who is circumcised. According to the ones who have it, it feels pleasurable when it’s properly “handled” (literally). Pro tip: instead of whacking away at a dick like you’re aggressively shaking a bottle of ketchup, work with the skin so you’re moving your hand(s) in a fluid, consistent motion. It may be referred to as “jerking off,” but you do want to be a little more gentle than that so it isn’t a stuttered, friction-filled session of discomfort for everyone involved.
3. Men can get UTI’s and yeast infections
Although women typically get urinary tract infections and yeast infections more often than men, men can still contract both. Yeast infections in men are uncommon, but can happen when unprotected sex has taken place with a woman who has candidal vaginitis. It’s more likely to occur in men who are not circumcised, and symptoms include burning, itching and a peeling, red rash/white spots over the penis. This usually clears up on its own, but if the symptoms persist, over the counter antifungal creams can clear it up in a few weeks. As for UTI’s, it’s important to pee when you feel the need to, and always after ejaculation. No one wants to deal with a UTI, and with men this unpleasant issue can be more difficult to deal with, so it’s better to take all of the necessary precautions to avoid it altogether.
4. Lube is your best friend
This one doesn’t need much explanation, since both parties, no matter what genitals are involved, will likely find more pleasure if there’s less unwanted friction.
5. Foreplay is important, don’t ignore it
Expanding on point number two, it can help any sexual experience if there’s actual foreplay involved and you know what you’re doing with what you’ve got. Penises aren’t always a “one and done” kind of tool. Jumping right into the main event doesn’t always work, and it’s usually more pleasurable for everyone involved if you build up to it. Don’t just grab and yank on it like you’re milking a cow, treat it with a little love and care. Remember guys, gals, and non-binary pals, the penis isn’t the only erogenous zone. Be the explorer that Christopher Columbus never was: respectful and thorough.
6. Erections are dependent on a lot of different factors
Erections happen as early as the womb stage, interestingly enough. Many men wake up with what is commonly known as “morning wood” which is caused by erections that occur during REM sleep. Erections can happen randomly for no apparent reason (especially during puberty), have difficulty being maintained depending on comfort levels/nervousness, the temperature (cold, most especially), testosterone levels, and whether or not there are any underlying conditions that may be affecting arousal (erectile dysfunction doesn’t just occur in older men, FYI).
7. We can’t talk about penises without mentioning testicles
The balls are an integral part of the male reproductive system and are neglected far too often. One testicle can hang lower than the other, they can grow or shrink in size depending on arousal and temperature, they produce around 200 million sperm a day, and they are very delicate. Blue balls, a reference to pain associated with prolonged arousal, is an actual condition that many men experience from a buildup of pressure that rests heavily on the testicles. All of these random facts, but what can you actually do with them? Well, as long as you’re gentle, massaging or lightly “tugging” on the balls can feel good, depending on the person you’re with. Just remember to communicate, and don’t go too crazy down there, or it might end up painful.
8. A penis says a lot about someone’s health
Though seeing a urologist (penis doctor) is not as common of a practice as it is for women to see a gynecologist, it’s important to be mindful of the penis, since it’s an indicator for different aspects of your health. It’s actually beneficial to ejaculate more often (this has been linked to decreasing chances of prostate cancer), important to eat well, drink lots of water, say no to smoking, drink alcohol sparingly and go to a doctor if there are any changes that are worth noting, painful, or worrisome in any way. It may be uncomfortable, but having a professional exam a fairly fragile body part in order to ensure you’re healthy, is always more important.
9. Alcohol consumption can affect penis performance
Even though drinking can boost sexual desire by making you feel more relaxed, it can be problematic when actually trying to have sex. Alcohol can make it harder to get an erection, since it dilates blood vessels, literally preventing a “hard on.” So as much as it may seem like a great way to combat pre-sex nerves, it might just be best to avoid drinks and rely on your natural charm and ~essence~.
10. Size really doesn’t matter
Look, at the end of the day what matters far more than penis size is what you can actually do with it. Besides, I’ve never understood the idea that somehow a giant, monster penis is better than an average one. Unless you’re some sort of natural sex wizard with it, learn to work with what you were born with and your partner will appreciate that far more, trust me.
11. Know how to properly use a condom
The girls in my high school health class were all taught how to use condoms, which is awesome (then again, it was on bananas, which may not translate the same way in real life). I believe that everyone should know how to use one when it comes right down to it, since both parties should be in full understanding of the protection they’re using for sex. However, there is a shocking amount of people who really don’t know what to do with them. They don’t realize that all condoms have an expiration date, they can break, they have different sizes for different penises (which is important to be aware of, since you don’t want it to be too tight or too loose), you can’t double them up for “extra protection,” they aren’t 100% effective in preventing pregnancy, you have to put them on right (slide it on all the way down the shaft to the base, with the tip positioned at the head), they can fall off during penetrative sex (the condom can’t get lost in the vagina, it just needs to be fished out right away), and that different brands have different features (lube, heat inducing, ribbed, etc.). Become educated on condoms for the safety of anyone you have intercourse with, and never, ever, believe someone who toots the horn of the “pull out” method. It. Does. Not. Work.
12. You can in fact “break” a penis
A penis can’t be broken in the same way that a bone can, but it can be fractured, which is a frightening thought. Basically, the blood vessels within an erect penis burst, causing incredibly painful swelling. This is typically caused during sex where a partner is the one on top, so it’s something to be mindful of when engaging in intercourse. If a penile fracture does occur though, you need to go to the emergency room pronto.
13. A clean peen is a happy peen
This is a basic part of hygiene, but it doesn’t hurt to go over it. Penises are an ideal environment for bacteria to grow, especially if they’re uncircumcised. This is by no means a knock to any peen sleeved bros, just an aspect to be mindful of when washing up your downstairs business. No one wants any infections, especially below the belt. Always choose a mild soap that doesn’t have any extra scents or fancy garbage added to it, you don’t want it to irritate your skin or worse, get it inside the urethra since that sh*t would burn. If you have foreskin, pull it back as far as it will naturally go, and gently wash underneath it, making sure to rinse it well. As long as it’s consistently clean, you wear underwear that isn’t too tight and is a breathable material, your penis should be happy and problem-free. No matter who you are, whether you sport a penis yourself, or you’ve come face to face with one and had no idea what it was all about, understanding the basics and nuances about the d, is always beneficial. Use your penis wisely, friends, treat it with kindness, and please, never send unwarranted dick pics.