So you just had your heart smushed, what are you going to do? Listen to Adele in bed for a week covered in cookie dough ice-cream? Go out and hook up with a bunch of randoms completely black-out? No! We need to stop thinking about how negative break ups are and start learning from them and reacting in positive ways. Ending a relationship when you are not the right people for each other is healthy, impactful and can change the course your life is on in a great way.
Recently, I went from being completely in love to realizing (as I got to know their personality disposition) that this wasn’t the right person for me. It is so important to pay attention to your gut feeling and intuition, as initially I shut these feelings down not wanting to face the truth. Being aware if your partner can make you laugh, keep you happy and feel comfortable being yourself can go miles. By not feeling comfortable in being my gregarious, creative self I felt lonelier than ever: despite being in a relationship.
In my past, I went from having great self confidence and feeling awesome about who I am as a person to feeling let down, insecure and unhappy. Initially I didn’t notice the source of my unhappiness. When I realized that these emotions were being triggered by the rejection, put downs and unkindness from my relationship I knew that something had to change. As I tried to work through things with my partner, I found more about his personality that I didn’t like — how he wouldn’t take responsibility for mistakes, or the hurtful words he said to me. It did not feel like an equal partnership, with both people contributing. As I tried to explain the situation, he became more defensive. These interactions helped me realize how important it is to take responsibility for your actions, but balancing that between not pinning everything on yourself.
My break up made me realize instead of feeling bad about myself and wanting to “lash out,” that I have self worth. With every relationship and end of a relationship we learn something more about ourselves, and grow a bit more. Instead of reacting in the cliche ways that we are all so used to, instead let’s break the pattern and use it as a positive learning experience. Focus on yourself, pick up a zumba class or spend more time giggling with your girlfriends. We all deserve someone who treats us like queens!
xox