I’m writing this as a response to an article I just read, and I hesitate to give the name of the publication, because I generally agree with 99% of what they publish, and would not hesitate to lose one of my own limbs to work there (please hire me). This article, like many other ones that have been recently circulating, give the dating advice to ‘just be yourself;’ and I think that this is the best — and only good dating advice out there if you want a lasting relationship. However, none of these articles that boast about ‘being yourself’ really follow through with it past the title.
Most of these articles encourage girls to let their quirky side shine, prompting them to tell their future beau adventurous stories of the weird things that they have done (such as buy a pet from a convenient store) or the all – nighter that they recently pulled with friends. While it would be amazing if life were this exciting, in most cases – its not. If a guy were to approach me and ask what I did all week, I would answer truthfully – I studied, ate a pizza, felt bad about it and went to the gym for half an hour, Netflix binged with my dog, slept and went to class. To me, my life is fun, as these events were sprinkled with funny, laughing till your stomach hurt moments with my roommates, weird stories about my commute home on the bus, and disastrous cooking fails. Chances are, the guy who you’re trying to impress is living a life pretty similar to yours and doesn’t need to be entertained by extravagant tales. You don’t need to feel ashamed that you don’t have tales that make every guy’s attention turn to you, or the fact that the most interesting thing that happened to you all week was the free food that you managed to score.
Now, I’m not telling you to be boring – PLEASE don’t go and tell the next cute guy that you see what you ate for dinner every day for the past week. What I am saying is that you don’t need to force yourself into the stereotype of some quirky, out – there, super exciting girl that you would only expect to find on a sitcom (Zooey Deschanel on New Girl, anyone?) because most of us just simply are not like that. If the most important thing going on in your life right now is acing your biology midterm and applying to medical school – talk about that! While it may not be interesting to everyone, and talking about photosynthesis might cause some guys to start reading the drink menu for entertainment, there will be someone else out there who has the exact same interests (and concerns!) as you do. Its unrealistic to expect that every girl’s ‘natural self’ is one that is quirky and likes weird things. Instead of letting your pretend ‘freak flag’ fly, instead wave your giant flag boasting your love for Taylor Swift, Starbuck’s PSL and Forever 21.
Another important aspect in every one of these articles is advice on how to present yourself. A very common tip is to keep your makeup light – basically so that it looks like you aren’t wearing any at all (aka the elusive no makeup – makeup look). The problem with this is that while this may be the (basically) natural you appearance wise, it might not be how you actually want to appear. If you feel the most like you wearing a bold lipstick and an eyeshadow masterpiece, go right ahead – you’ll feel more confident doing so. You can’t expect every guy to like what you’re wearing/ you’re makeup/ hair, but its unrealistic for every guy to like you even if you appeared to be natural and quirky. Just like you know when you do and don’t find a guy attractive, boys have refined the same skills as well. Some guy will appreciate the time that you put into your artful makeup, and applaud you on your artistic skills. The last thing that you need is a guy to be influencing your appearance (they probably don’t even know what contouring is!) and persuading you out of the purple lipstick that the Sephora employee just sold you on because they think its ‘weird’.
Be yourself – how you really are. So many articles give you advice that encourages you to be unique – but in a very cookie cutter way. The real you, no matter what your interests are, or how you like to style yourself to feel your best, is going to attract someone, and is going to be so much more fun and relaxed than forcing yourself to be unique in a way that you think guys will enjoy. After all – it might be a little awkward when that guy asks you where the pet you bought at a convenient store is from the time that you mentioned it in a ‘hilarious’ story from your first date.