Tonight I did the unthinkable…
I drank…
…decaf coffee.
I know, I’m screaming inside too.
And what’s even worse… is that I liked it.
Before you totally flip your lid, let me explain.
I’ve had a long day. I had to move my whole room at home around to make room for all the clothes, furniture and décor items I had in my room at school.
Moving home hasn’t just been physically hard… (beds weight a lot)… but it’s also been emotionally draining to think that my four years away at school are over… and that I’m moving back in with my parents. Omg.
So, through this difficult change, I’ve been craving some comfort.
During the day a hug from my mom helped, and playing with my cat was great too… but my lonliness peaks most at night, when I’m alone, in bed, in the dark… okay it’s not completely dark because I’m binge watching BONES.
Anyways… when I crawled into bed tonight I felt that creeping lonely feeling again… and I soon realized I was craving the one thing that warms my heart, hands, and my insides… coffee.
BUT… then I realized it was 1am… and drinking a coffee this late would make my insomnia 100% worse than it already has been since being home.
So, I crept upstairs in the dark… past my mom’s room…and slowly opened the coffee drawer.
Score… I found “it” = AKA the one decaf keurig pod (that we probably got in some sort of sample pack) / (my mom would never have chosen to buy this).
I popped it in the top, slowly pushed down the lid, pressed brew, and waited in the dark.
The smell was perfect… my heart literally smiled… okay, hearts can’t smile, but I swear something was going on in there.
I added a little sugar (because I’m not a sadist) and took a sip.
In the beginning of my journey with coffee, I had downed it for the caffeine… the extra boost before work. But in this moment, I realized that my relationship with coffee had become much deeper…
The warmness of the cup… the smooth texture on my tongue, the light bitter kiss against my lips….
It all became clear.
I was in love with coffee, caffeine or not…
Because wherever I am… no matter the time of day…
Coffee makes me feel safe, warm, and most importantly, at home.
Deep.