As the eldest child in any family, you spend much of your childhood simultaneously bossing around and complaining about your younger brother (or sister). A decade down the road, the two of you have matured (a little) and, if you’re lucky, gotten quite close, even if the bickering never stops.
After a month away at university, my brother came back full of stories he wanted to share and midterms to moan about. He wanted help with his history paper and to show off to the family we had visiting us over this past Thanksgiving weekend. Seeing him so happy and eager, but more importantly, so grown up, made me realize some things.
1) They’re independent (kinda).
Okay, this may be a bit of an overblown statement for some people, but realistically you’ve never seen your sibling do his or her own laundry until now, make their bed (occasionally), or take out the garbage. It melts the heart a bit when you realize they’re no longer just doing it because it’s on some sort of chore list, they want to be helpful and appreciated.
2) You’re getting old (kinda).
It may have been a few years since you went off to school or moved out, but for most, university didn’t evolve us into adults overnight. It’s been years of struggling to maintain academic, social, and working lives with a lot of failure in between (if we’re being brutally honest here). Even if your ‘adulting’ game hasn’t been at its best, there’s nothing that will shock you the same way as realizing that if the lil bro is growing up, so are you!
3) You’re no longer going to win those fistfights.
Okay, at 120 pounds, let’s all just agree I was never going to win many fistfights in general. But, I can remember a few reasonably violent fights started by my lovely brother over the years that I was pretty much guaranteed of winning every time. Thanks to puberty and a little bit of time at his school’s gym, this will no longer be a thing.
Bonus points to the eldest sibling if you can get him or her to lay off the creatine and protein shakes.
4) You learn to see them as a person.
No I don’t mean he or she was some sort of alien life form prior to moving out of the house. What I do mean is that within a family or sibling relationship, it can be easy to assume or dismiss things about their habits or personality, which actually turn out to be some of the driving forces behind their passions and interests. My brother will argue anything, even something he knows literally nothing about, and it’s infuriating (partially a side effect of being a white male, partially due to being half Greek). However, now I can start to see him use this passion to motivate him to write better, to seek all of the resources he needs to succeed, and channel some of this into leadership skills that are going to benefit him for the rest of his life.
5) No girl is ever going to be pretty/talented/smart/mature enough for him.
None. Ever. Same thing goes for the older brother and younger sister dynamic. You know how first year is in university, you know how crazy things can get in the dating world at that age. Add alcohol (and presumably their fake IDs) into the mix and it’s a seriously strong recipe for anxiety and worry on your part. Don’t forget that as much as you love them, they do need their space to grow and figure what kind of person they’re looking for romantically in their lives. If this involves a year or two of some questionable behaviour, you’re fully entitled to tell him or her to smarten up! No that girl you just met does not get to sleep over, and showing up to a family dinner covered in hickeys will not become a regular event.
Don’t be afraid to ask some pointed questions about their love life, even if it makes you both a bit squirmy. It’s important that they have somebody who they can talk to seriously about this, even more so if they have any questions or confusion about who they may develop feelings for. No judgement, just love. Just be there.
6) You’ll never stop worrying about them.
This one is pretty self-explanatory, but your worries will be exacerbated by the drunk and incoherent phone calls you will get from them when they’re lost in downtown Hamilton and picking fights with random groups of strangers.
(Maybe not that particular situation, but you catch my drift)
7) They’re going to fuck up sometimes (just like you did).
They’re going to flunk classes, get in trouble with the police (please refer to: alcohol), piss off your parents (more than usual), fight with their friends, fight with you, possibly try some things they really shouldn’t, forget to call, the list goes endlessly on.
Despite their stupidity, you’re still going to love them, and at the end of the day you’re the one they call to talk to about said stupidity, so you’re both doing something right. Stay patient, be kind, and strategically utilize ‘tough love’ when it’s something they truly need to hear.
8) They’ll never truly outgrow you.
While there are certainly times when you’re going to feel ignored or left out from their life, ultimately your brother or sister is going to stay in your life as long as you want them there. Don’t forget that every relationship is work, even those bonded through blood, so becoming self-absorbed in your own stuff isn’t an excuse to let things slide with your family.
9) You still have each other’s backs.
You’re there for the important stuff and the tough times, period. You’re also always there to laugh at them for that stupid thing they did when they were 14 and will incessantly tell anybody who will care to listen. In a couple years, they’ll be doing the same thing to you (and you’ll be equally mortified).
10) You miss them. A lot. More than you ever thought you could.
They’re growing up and it sucks so much. You’re gonna learn something new about them every time they open their mouths, and you’re going to bounce between wanting to smile and tear up a little bit each time.