Dear little girl,
I want you to know that, as a woman, I always defined by many things. Sometimes people tried to define me by things that do not define me. I want you to know that not all women have the same body type, skin, or characteristics and not all women here are pleased by what the society defined as beauty. I want you to know this.
As an Indonesian woman, I was always confused about the perception of beauty that media proposes. I grew up in Indonesia until the age of fourteen and remembered how people in Indonesia used to praise my skin for being “lighter” than most of the Indonesians. But then I realized that in the US they perceived beauty differently, such as by being much tanner or “exotic” looking. I noticed how different the standards of beauty were between both countries, and I always felt pressured to have the perfect skin and body type to fit in. I want you to know that I always felt – still feel – that there are certain requirements to be a beautiful woman.
I was once fourteen, and I had told myself that being beautiful meant having large blue eyes, a sharp nose, long blonde hair, and a skinny body. I did all that I could to achieve this unattainable image of beauty that media had shown me. I wanted my waistline shrunk smaller, my face slimmer, my teeth whiter, my eyes bigger, my hair blonder. I wanted to look a certain way and it made a prison of my own mind. I want you to know that I have struggled with being grateful for what I have.
It started from counting calories to starving myself to sleep. I had poor mental health, and I wished I could flee like a bird from the cage to escape this body. Looking at social media platforms or women;s magazines made me feel like I was unworthy of love because the body that I had. It made me feel excluded. I was on the edge of frustration. It was impossible for me not to think about the beauty standards that the world praises and sees as perfection. It was hard to understand that to some people my intelligence is the least important piece of me. Knowing that my contribution in the world, my kindness, and my characteristics aren’t always valued as much as my physical appearance is. I want you to know that I felt like I was judged like the cover of a book they forgot to read.
The real truth is that I was never alone in this battle. I witnessed my friends purging in the public bathroom as soon as she finished her lunch or getting a skin whitening bleaching so that she could “fix” the things that she thought were not quite right. I want you to know that it is a vicious cycle. I want you to know that. It sometimes overwhelmed me too, but even if it takes you until college to realize that you are beautiful, you will and you are.
I want you to know that you are worth every dime that the world has.