1. 8 a.m. – The “Instant Human: Just add coffee” coffee
This is the most essential coffee of the day. Without your trusty cup of coffee, how can anyone expect you to make it out of your door in the morning much less put your pants on the right way? Every day, the Keurig greets you with the fantastic elixir of life that guarantees you can make it through the next day, or hour. This relationship, between addict and Keurig, is one that no one will ever be able to come between. Your Keurig isn’t just a machine, it’s family.
2. 10 a.m. – The “My 9 am class just got out, it’s still morning, let’s get more coffee” coffee
This is your refill. At home, you would help yourself to a cup of coffee at the breakfast table, and then refill it once more for good measure. At Waffle House, the waitress pours you more coffee because it’s normal. It’s the same concept, right? Besides, it’s not your fault that the building your class is in also happens to contain an Einstein’s or a Starbucks. It’s a sign from the coffee gods.
3. 1 p.m. – The “Casually grabbing a coffee with friends” coffee
Okay this one doesn’t even count. It’s social coffee, it is the social norm to meet a friend and talk over coffee. You can’t judge me for following social etiquette can you? I wouldn’t want to make my friend uncomfortable and just watch them drink their coffee, it’s a mutual activity. You meet a friend over coffee, if the coffee wasn’t included, you would just be meeting over air, something that is never as fun.
4. 4 p.m. – The “It’s time for a nap, but there isn’t any time for a nap, so coffee will suffice” coffee
This is the shameful 4 p.m. coffee break. On the way home, it’s just so convenient to swing past a café and grab a coffee. If it’s iced, it looks like a casual mid-day drink, right? Besides, how can you pass by a coffee shop and neglect your tired soul from liquid life? The coffee is calling and you must go.
5. 8 p.m. – The “I procrastinated and haven’t started my homework even though my study coffee just wore off” coffee
Okay so maybe you’re not too proud of this one, but nobody is perfect. You make it back to the dorm, ready to tackle that essay, and Netflix calls your name. You have fresh coffee coursing through your veins and your energy is unlimited. Nothing can get in the way of your productivity. A few minutes of Netflix can hardly stop you in your newly caffeinated state. Except when those few minutes of Netflix morph into a few hours and before you know it, it’s time for another cup of coffee.
6. 1 a.m. – The “It’s now one in the morning, so it’s appropriate to drink coffee now because it’s morning” coffee
Okay so look at it this way: Coffee is mainly a morning drink, right? The clock says “A.M.” It’s morning. This one is totally justifiable. You’re simply starting your morning off with a nice hot cup of coffee. Who can argue with that?