If you’re ever in the mood to take a stroll around NYC with a teacup pig, this Campus Cutie is your guy. Hailing from the Big Apple – not to be confused with its lesser suburbs – this New York native is the sarcastic guy from your PoliSci class who challenges you not to get caught laughing at his witty remarks about the professor’s new haircut. Read on to learn more about this week’s big man on campus.
Hometown: New York City (yes, like in the actual city. Not Long Island and certainly not New Jersey).
Major/minor: Undecided, minoring in Maybe.
On-campus involvement: Well, I wrote one great article that was put on the cover of StudLife, but after a disagreement over “style” I retired. I’m an Assembly Representative for College Council. We got sweatshirts with our last names on the back; I’ve never been on a sports team before, so it’s a new sensation for me. You may see me walking with new swagger. I’m also a tour guide!
Favorite place to eat on campus? Holmes Lounge. The rumors are true, I no longer wait in lines there. My boy Arthur has my order down, Rob knows I’m all about that double meat life, and Felicia is always ready to joke around. To be honest, I thought it would take me easily 2 years to get this sort of legend status, but my Holmies just get me.
Most recently used emojis? Winky face (with tongue, of course), slanted smile, and my personal favorite, the purple devil emoji. The horns suggest that you may see me be mean, but the purple subtly adds that I’m approachable and just want a big hug (my girl, Tori Francis, gets me).
Who would play Perry Skolnick in a movie about your life? Robert Downey Jr. might be one of the only guys who could get my sarcastic, dry sense of humor down just right. You know, that sort-of “He’s such an ass that you can only appreciate and love him for it” sort of humor. Also, guy can act—not many people can be the dude, disguised as a dude, playing another dude.
A song you can’t get out of your head? Any Michael Jackson song. Right now it may be “ABC.” If you are ever interested in seeing a stellar MJ impersonation, but don’t want to fly to Vegas, come to Danforth 4- I’ll give you a show. PSA: He didn’t molest anyone, and if you think he did, I. Will. Fight. You.
If you could have a pet in your dorm, what would it be (and what would you name it)? A tea cuppig named Jerry. Jerry because I name everything Jerry. Who doesn’t love Jerry? And a teacup pig because I’d want something low-key that I could just chill out with and take around with me. Like on Thursday nights at Harry’s, I feel like Jerry would be a big hit. Also, Miley Cyrus had a teacup pig, and people seem to think she’s pretty awesome for whatever reason.