We’ve all been there, or if you haven’t, lucky you. Believe me, many who have experienced this phenomenon envy your life of blissful ignorance. Yes, I am talking about the difficult flatmates situation. This may seem overly dramatic, but in reality, an unhappy living situation can even make other parts of your life feel bleak. Essentially, the place that you want to relax after a stressful day can be mired with more politics and sniping than US politics during the 2016 Presidential elections. Maybe you’ve come here in search of advice and if so, you’re in luck. From stealing my clothes or food, unhealthy relationships with alcohol, constant pity parties or expressing sexist, homophobic, ableist or racist ideas, this doesn’t even cover some of the more horrifying stories that I entertain my friends with. Although I’m loving my current living situation with two guys from my course, hopefully my not-so-fun past experiences can serve as words of wisdom for complicated living situations.
Of course, sometimes you may simply not get on with your flatmates due to a difference of personality. However, to prevent this situation deteriorating, one key to maintaining a decent level of friendship is politeness. As I’ve come to realise, not everyone realises the importance of good manners, perhaps not even your flatmates. Nevertheless, I recommend the mantra of “treat others as you’d like to be treated”. Saying hello, asking about their days, small talk and basic questions can go far in making you seem reasonable. You never know, you may find a common interest that are an excellent way to thaw frosty situations. Realising what others find personally important such as their pet, their favourite sport team, the politics of their job, is a likeable trait. After all, another favourite quote of mine is: “to be interesting, be interested”. This may appear obvious but is often forgotten. Plus, it’s generally good practice for improving social skills i.e. soon we’ll be in the “real world” and co-workers can be a bit hit-or-miss.
However, for more difficult living situations, solutions for them are far less straightforward. Every group is unique and while the aforementioned advice of remaining polite and neutrally friendly is a good approach, if tempers start to flair, there’s no harm in excusing yourself and removing yourself from the room. Shutting an argument down is better than it escalating. If emotions are running high, it’s best to broach the possibility of a calmer discussion later. In fact, this would give you the opportunity to consider what and more importantly, how, you convey a point. To summarise very briefly, science has now been confirming certain long-suggested persuasive techniques. Apparently to convince someone, it’s best to mention something they were right about and then to suggest your own opinion. Clever, eh?
For lazier flatmates, it’s best to reduce the opportunity for excuses. Some will obviously ignore rotas but the existence of a clear and fair one acts like evidence in an essay. It’s hard to argue with undeniable facts and makes your case more compelling, especially when other unallied flatmates are involved. Don’t underestimate the power of your contract and deposit here. While they can sometimes be more of an annoyance than a help, understanding your contract and presenting it to a flatmate could potentially motivate them to clean their act up. In fact, I’ve personally found that it’s a good idea to maintain a good and honest relationship with your landlord if possible. They’re not stupid and they’re people too. It could be that you’re lucky enough to have one willing to acknowledge the tidiness of your room compared to the pigsty of another flatmate, which can be useful when trying to establish who didn’t muck in when cleaning the flat or house. This also could be an excellent connection in the long run. A landlord with several properties can be a lifesaver when trying to find a decent flat in a popular area.
Finally, sometimes a difficult living situation can become a bit much to handle. From enjoying a range of activities and friendships to keep you away from home, to discovering your open quiet haven or lovely friend with plenty of tea, it’s essential to find a way to maintain your sanity. Even a new outlet like a diary, boxing or meditation can be an effective way to vent your frustration and improve your ability to approach unpleasant situations with a clearer head. In fact, an optimistic outlook can be the best way to deal with this predicament. See this as a motivator to make more friends, join more societies or start a new sport. I’ve personally done some of these and set myself some other career goals and I’m the happier for it. I hope you can be too.