Most collegiettes keep a lifelong bucket list. Of course, the best part of keeping a list is being able to cross things off as you accomplish them. At age 21, I’ve managed to cross off quite a few items.
1. Go to Paris: check!
2. Fall in love: check!
3. Have mind-blowing orgasms: check!
Okay – so now I’ve got your attention.
*Photo from medicaldaily.com.
A few weeks ago, a girlfriend and I were chatting and ended up on the topic of sex. Which led us to the topic of orgasms. Which in turn, taught me that she had never had one. Despite having sex with various partners, including long-term BFs, it just hadn’t happened. It’s not that she didn’t want it to happen, it’s that she didn’t know how. Or why.
After our convo, I decided to do some Googling to see if not having an orgasm was a thing for some heterosexual women. Unfortunately, it kind of is. Sarah Jio’s Woman’s Day article, “10 Surprising Facts About Orgasms,” concludes that 30 percent of women have trouble reaching orgasm. And as many as 80 percent of women have difficulty with orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone.
Not only do women have an orgasm lack, but, also, an orgasm gap. According to Debbie Herbenic, PhD and research scientist at Indiana University, it’s pretty big. “While 85 percent of men thought their partner had an orgasm during their most recent episode of sex, only 64 percent of women reported having an orgasm.” Unlike.
But a bit more Googling led me to a possible solution, courtesy of Dr. Oz. You see, he says, “The better you know your body, the better your chance of having a fulfilling sex life.” Translation: to experience a really good orgasm with your partner, you’ve got to know what feels good for you first.
*Photo from capitalfm.co.ke.
That means what you think it means: masturbating.
To make it clear, I’m not here to tell anyone what to do with his or her body. If you haven’t had an orgasm during sex, don’t feel alone. Like Woman’s Day said, it’s uncommon for women to orgasm by intercourse only. If you’re not sexually active, that’s cool. If you’re not looking to have an orgasm, that’s cool too.
BUT if you are seeking pleasure, you need to hear this: your orgasm starts with you. Yes, I am encouraging you to get a little frisky. Your body is beautiful and yours to enjoy. There’s something liberating about knowing that your body is capable of immense pleasure, and it is.
*Photo from osundefender.org.
Want to try? Here are some tips to get you “there”:
– Relax and set the mood
– Explore your entire body – start with other erotic areas and work your way down
– Read the tips in this Cosmopolitan UK article
– Use your imagination
– Vary the pattern and pressure
– Don’t stop ‘til ya get enough!
Hey, you can thank me later for helping you check off one more item on your list.